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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Harbinger of Death !dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: poppa jon
    ASL Info:    44 /m /N.E.
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 34/46/8
    Words: 183
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 861
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1235



    Description:
       Help me improve this ????


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    dotsThe Harbinger of Death !dots
    -------------------------------------------


    The harbinger of death,
    Enters into the soul.
    Casts aside all hope and passions.
    Caused feelings to grow Cold.

    It dwells within the hopelessness.
    Spreads it's scourge throughout.
    Feeding on fear and apathy,
    Feasting on self doubt.

    It seeks out any weakness,
    In the spirit of life within.
    Swiftly it attacks the mind.
    Where it has already been.

    Inflicting it's cruel doubts.
    Until the core is shaken ,
    Yet the spirit holding fast !
    For it shall not be taken !

    It constantly assaults ,
    The light around a soul .
    Dimming into twilight .
    The spirit loses hold !

    Cast into the darkness ,
    A spirit withers chained .
    Seeking True existence .
    In a body gone insane !

    Withered in the darkness.
    A spirit will not die.
    It screams out with an anger ,
    As it breaks the chains to fly !

    Rekindled is the spirit ,
    That was so close to death.
    The Harbinger defeated !
    Exhales one final breath !












    Submitted on 2005-07-28 12:37:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a really good poem! I had to look
    up harbingersí meaning because I've never heard
    it being used with death before. In the first line you say "The Harbinger of death enters into the soul " My understanding is that the soul consist of our mind, emotions and will, so that would make sense that would be the first place that would be attacked. I'm not sure why? However at the end of the poem I didn't feel as if it was complete. I couldnít understand how the spirit defeats death so easily in the end. I think Iíve been drinking to much wine tonight and Iím
    reading into things to much. Great work.
    lynn
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by lynn7 | [ Reply to This ]
      weakness not weekness ...assaults not asaults.. those are just some typos to fix... in the last sentence of the first stanza take out "the" then read it to yourself sometimes taking out useless words can make a poem sound so much better.. but im no expert;) nice work .. fix what you feel sounds funny
    ~*~amber~*~
    feel free to comment on my poems
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by rocknpoetrychik | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all, did you know there was this character in an anime called Gundam Wing that was nicknamed "the harbinger of death?" So at first I thought this was going to be a GW fanpoem. Heheh. Kinda glad it wasn't.

    Okay, seriously now. The stanza that bentnotbroken quoted is also my favorite-all the lines link together in an interesting way because each line mentions a different subject: darkness, the spirit, existence, the body.

    Oh, and I just noticed how the subjects case each other: darkness surrounds the spirit, body surrounds existence. That's pretty nifty! Pat yourself on the back if you get what I'm saying.

    One thing I almost had an issue with was the repetition of the word 'spirit,' though I feel I shouldn't brood. I felt a synonym was needed to replace that word at some points so as not to sound so redundant, but then I thought, maybe that word in particular is very important to the poem.

    Either way, thanks for the great write! (And really, I loved that one stanza the most. Like whoa.)
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by Chihuahuii | [ Reply to This ]
      First off, nice write. I love this:

    Cast into the darkness ,
    A spirit withers chained .
    Seeking True existence .
    In a body gone insane !

    As for suggestions to improve the piece
    caused to causes in the last line of the 1st stanza
    in the 3rd stanza-how has the harbinger of death been to the mind? fear of death, perhaps?
    The 1st line in the last stanza doesn't seem to flow as well as the rest of the piece, but maybe that's jus me.
    Other than that, I can't really see anything that I'd change. Good job w/ this.
    J
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]


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