I feel so dirty by MurphyGirl44

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Submission Name: I feel so dirty dots

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Author:	MurphyGirl44
Elite Ratio:	3.69 - 70/76/25
Words:	150

Class/Type:	Misc/Love
Total Views:	298
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	773

Description:
...

I feel so dirty dots

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I don't want anything, anything touching my skin
These clothes, I need to get them off me
I need to rip them off, let my body breathe
Let my skin feel air, clean air
But all I feel is dirty air, from the city, from the pig pen of a city
I'm so fustrated! I need to feel clean, Don't even look at me, just let me be, I feel so dirty
I want the rain to pour onto me and turn me into a puddle
A puddle that holds your reflection in it
Don't step in me, leave me be,
I want the sun to break free from the clouds and turn me into vapor, so you will breath me in when you pass by, so I can be in you, in your heart, and in your mind
I'll have your body, and you'll have my soul

Submitted on 2005-07-28 15:04:34 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i like this... it was like a little puzzle that peice by peice brought you emotionally to the end.. very nice work
~*~amber~*~
feel free to comment on one of my poems
| Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by rocknpoetrychik | [ Reply to This ]
  That is so good it is so clear like a thought in my own mind only I reading it dose not feel severed at the end I love that about this.
I often find myself disgusted of the city and I do love the wilderness and the county so much I fell in love in the a simple small town filled with farms friendly people and surrounded by trees rivers and fresh air when the rain falls it is so beautiful.
I miss it...
My heart was broken in a city not on as large as the on I'm in now but sometimes I just want to jump in my car and drive but I have no money and thus no car anyway I love this very much.
| Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by slybee22 | [ Reply to This ]
  I especially like when the narrator wants to be a puddle, and somehow becomes it (or speaks as though she's become it in her mind). She speaks throughout the poem about wanting to disintegrate, and you did a really good job at showing how much she wants that, rather than telling it. It's like you're slowing filtering her thoughts into a narrow, focused idea, and elaborated on it. If you'll accept the compliment, I'd like to say this is great work!
| Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by Chihuahuii | [ Reply to This ]
  I feel this is more of a romantic work than a misc. work, "breath me in"..."so I can have you, in your heart"...speaks of a longing...desire...and the ending...body...soul speaks and makes me think as I read it...of a deep love...just my impression.
Great works you write.
Alan
| Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
  Again, great imagery. And a nice flow even for random thoughts. You have an art with your thoughts like they tell a story. Keep it up. I get the feeling that you think you are to broken to be among peolpe and if you leave, part of you stays forever. I could be wrong, it's past my bed time now. lol. This was great. I've read all your work Kelly, and I'm glad you are here sharing your gift with us all. I'm impressed. Keep me posted when you write new things, I enjoy your work.
Maggie
| Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh, cool! This makes me think of the redemption/cleansing of water. Then when one associates water with sex, what you've done is most elemental & original. NOT swimming in a pool or going to the ocean, but how your essence is vaporized & breathed in & becomes a part of; not mere surroundings. And I like how you're not consumed, but are reciprocating, with the reflections & "having" his body. Hmmm
7elicia
| Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by CleoCollier | [ Reply to This ]

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