Heyyy. It's meee again! Stopped by to check out some of your work. Feel special! You are the first critique I'm giving out today. [I think] hehe.
I can't say I liked this. I feel that this poem has the potential to be very profound, leaving the reader with a feeling of awe and disbelief and maybe sympathy, but the first two lines are lacking. Overall the poem doesn't make much sense to me.
I like the last line- perhaps you should tell me what you're trying to write about. For example... the broken pieces have found the weak spot. The broken pieces of what? Aren't the broken pieces usually the "weak spot" if it's broken so easily?
You say that the broken pieces are bleeding from pores. How significant is the "from pores" part of that line? Haikus are short, so each word you choose has to be absolutely vital to the core of the piece. If the broken pieces are bleeding... then, isn't that the weak spot? How did they find the weak spot?
Yep, just some questions that popped up after I read that. In terms of following the syllabic rules of a typical haiku, you did a good job.
Here's my stab in the dark; my version of what your poem could transform into.
Broken pieces bleed, a lucid gesture your blade has found my weak spot.
Good luck with this! Sorry if I was too harsh- you know you can just ignore me if you do not agree. I am no poet, I am just some girl with my own opinion on things. =]
Hm, wow you've opened up something to me. Because I respected haikus I just never though with such little words one could convay something that powerful. >.> Guess I'm blind to art at times.
Well thinking this is a suicide/ cutting poem and what nots. Strong and to the point it was chilling to read though. Like my poems just not something you read all the time, but work good for emotions and such.
So keep trying out the new styles >.> and I think I might have to try a haiku yesh I do Hahaha... anyways enjoy.
-Eric "ACommonCold" Chang Reality is when you stop believing in something and its still there.
Submission Name: Weak Spot
