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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: EMPTY BEDROOMdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 699
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 389



    Description:
       this is something i wrote a long time ago i was shocked to find it and cant beleive i wrote this way it felt unrefined maybe soemthing i could try again hmm dont know what do you think guys ?


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    dotsEMPTY BEDROOMdots
    -------------------------------------------


    High on evolutionary baggage , a beggar at Satanís door longing for his consort .evil child, innocent angel ,dirty whore .Eyes like lonely silver moons . High heels, claws tinted the deepest shade of red. Sex and seaweed mix with metal to form a dark translucent image. Its so loud tonight not unlike his day time screaming, and it wakes me even now with the same tremendous instinct.




    Submitted on 2005-07-28 18:17:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      you should change the format, break it up into stanzas...but other than that I thought it was good...very descriptive and it flowed quite well.
    | Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by t0_eazy | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this. It has powerful imagery and descriptions. I agree with D.Q. though, maybe it would be better if the format was different, other than that I wouldn't change a thing. :)
    LeAnna
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      this was actually very good. only i also agree with the others. this would be practially perfect if u put it into phrases type of form like the others have showed ya. ummm i think think thats about it for now so otherwise nice job!


    brenna
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with _D.Q._ This is very interesting I must admit I'm not sure I fully understand the imagery and references, but like the feel and images. I would format it such;

    High on evolutionary baggage
    A beggar
    At Satans Door
    longing for his consort
    Evil child
    Innocent Angel
    Dirty whore etc.

    I hope this is helpful - Nice write! :)

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]


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