Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Abandoneddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Imaginth
    Elite Ratio:    5.18 - 43/50/19
    Words: 330
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1070
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1860



    Description:
       I just want to know what you think anything will be fine with me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAbandoneddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Emotions comsuming my insides and being crushed beneath the world full of pain,
    Just a child learning the ropes on which will one day hold the weight of all my burdens,
    The rope so tiny could unwind and send me falling into a deeper anxiety of pain and suffering,
    But not one strand is left of my rope and the dark abyss awaits my return once again,
    All around the darkness creeps fading lights where others are being pulled into safety even through all the fog,
    A hand held out with great ambition catching mine grabs ahold of my wandering soul,
    From the abyss rising to find many curiously wandering about for someone,
    Who was it that took me out of the dark and saved me from the fate that was destined to be mine?
    Fog roamed the vast and empty field that was once filled with many wanderers,
    Finding a pair of eyes looking upon me comforted my weary heart from all interruptions,
    Stupidity came from every ounce in my body wondering who would save a child like me,
    Just a child that had no rope to hang onto from first breath now rescued from a deadly burden,
    Who are you with your beautiful colorless eyes to save me?
    From the dark your hand guided me and now your eyes tell me to come and rejoice,
    The rope I was longing to grab hold of lingered infront of me this entire time,
    Choices had to be made, go with you or with the rope that might hold me if my strength could hold long enough,
    Or follow you and your colorless eyes to a world of peace and joy,
    Could I be tricked into a place worse than before you pulled me out?
    What comfort you gave me instead of the abyss which used to be an unending pit of darkness,
    Following you would give me no greater pleasure and finding out what lies ahead, no matter what happens.




    Submitted on 2005-07-28 20:10:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      a few grammar mistakes but other than that i like this piece. everyone has grammar slips once in awhile. anyways, it seems that everything is so crazy these days you hardly hear of the good anymore ya know? i am sorry you have you feel this way but i hope things will get better. lol now i sound like my friends. they always tell me that. though i dont believe it. my favorite lines were
    "Fog roamed the vastempty field that was once filled with many wanderers,
    Finding a pair of eyes looking upon me comforted my weary heart from all interruptions,
    Stupidity came from every ounce in my body wondering who would save a child like me,
    Just a child that had no rope to hang onto from first breath now rescued from a deadly burden,
    Who are you with your beautiful colorless eyes to save me?"
    i guess i feel more emotion there than any otehr part. great overall write.
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by slntfirflm | [ Reply to This ]
      you had a few gramatical mistakes like saying a in front as one wrod and you spelling the second word wrong but other then that the thing you should work on is word choise. this peice has alot of potential. you are very good at sounding lost. you have alot of skill so i'll bet you can make this a realy super poem!
    keep on the keepin' on,

    ~~mheracai~~
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by Saphire Twiligh | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    68421

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry