Elementals by magickandie

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Submission Name: Elementals dots

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Author:	magickandie
Elite Ratio:	4.34 - 190/168/37
Words:	132

Class/Type:	Poetry/Nature
Total Views:	248
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	938

Description:
This is a poem I had been working on. It feels unfinished. What say you?

Elementals dots

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Mother Earth
The very heart of life.
She embodies
Stability and wisdom.
Her strength lies
In the untouched land.
She offers healing to all,
You have only to embrace her.

Brother Fire
Element of death and rebirth.
He evokes
Passion and lust.
Powerful and untamable
To try and harness his might,
Will only leave you drained.

Lord Air
Ruler of mind and chage
Bringer of dreams and wisdom.
He posses the freedom
To come and go at whim.
As He blows to and fro,
He gathers the Four Winds magick.

Lady Water
Keeper of emotions and divining.
Ever the Mysterious Mistress
She aids in healing and fertility.
She gifts us with prophecies,
Even, when asked
She clenses us, body and soul.

Submitted on 2005-07-29 00:41:30 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Thank you! I've been studying on it, but as a suggestion, I think you should of ended it by compiling all of the elements together, and writing what makes them important, because it does seem like unfinished, and it's so wonderfully written, and I would just love to see it finished, and I love it though, because it gave me a really strong human image of the elements. Maybe you should write something on their connection with the Divine, or something. You'll think of something, because judging from the first 4 stanzas, you're really good. Anyways, good job to you.
Peace and love,
Aya
| Posted on 2005-07-30 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
  actually i like it alot. it's very romantic and passionate. i like the usage of the four ancient elements. far cry from the periodic table however i dont think you can make the periodic table as fun as this is to read. i like the persona of each elemental described. my favorite is the lord of the air. nice one! mike :)
| Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  hmmm it is missing something.. i dunno what .. hmmmmm.. i hate it when i cant put my finger on it.. but just keep working on it.. i like it for what it is right now but i see so much more potential in it:)
~*~amber~*~
| Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by rocknpoetrychik | [ Reply to This ]
  It does seem to be missing something. I wonder if it's some sort of closing stanza, summing up the others. That's just my idea.

Also, I think you have too many commas. I would suggest going back through and reading it without acknowledging the punctuation you have written, just read it like you would think it, then read it with the punctuation you have. I think some of the commas break up thoughts that should not be broken up. You don't need punctuation at the end of every line.

Other than that, I really liked this. My favorite was about fire. I'm a pyro...and a hopeless romantic. Awesome job!
| Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey there Miss Magical Maiden... it's good to be on your page again reading your very respectful work... first i gotta tell ya how much it means to me to grace your favorites page so many times... i'm honored... and now to comment on a perfect poem... The elements and me are very close friends, for my love is fire as i am the wind that feeds her (she is an Aries, *symbol of fire* and i am a Gemini *symbol of wind*) i couldn't keep away from this poem... let me tell you, you did creation great justice with it... such a poem is worthy of the elements it reflects... for as you embrace your mother our earth so to does she embrace the respect you have given her here... and your Brother our fire would only burn stronger, shine brighter reading the recognition of his prowess... Your Lord our Air would be jealous of your ability to bring about such images of his nature, even greater then he could hope to bring... and Your Lady our Water would be proud, for the healing of heart and soul your words pocess is a gift only you and your Lady share... my friend it's ever the honor... and i look forward to finding my way to your page again... take care

Travis
| Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]

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