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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Part 1- Yesterday's Paindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/You left me
    Total Views: 742
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 617



    Description:
       I am sorta doing a series of poems...I have four in all, it starts with the initial broken heart. That's what this one is about...I am going to follow it up with the emotions and stages I guess you could call it of leaving a broken heart behind. So tell me what you think, I was hoping to find people who could relate to this or maybe show someone that is hurt right now that there is hope...even beyong the numbeness. So yea, tell me how you react. Thanks.

    ~Jaz~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPart 1- Yesterday's Paindots
    -------------------------------------------


    She woke up with yesterdfays pain
    wounds frashly opened
    heart freshly raped

    she cried for the first time again
    in her head she could recall everything,
    sitting in his room
    her tears strumming his guitar
    she pretended that he was in her arms
    but he refused to hold her
    and she slept
    and she dreamed of yesterdays broken heart
    she woke up crying tonight
    tears that fell from yesterday
    crying for the first time again

    She woke up with yesterdays pain
    wounds freshly opened
    heart freshly raped




    Submitted on 2005-07-29 17:47:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      " she cried for the first time again"

    i love this line /Why? not knowing...yet /. but still love it ../. the first stanza is g reat opener to the poem as a whole peice../. it really keeps things together ../. i love it ...
    JWI
    thank you for the compliments and putting "blue Star" on your fav' list im gladd you like the poem ../. i love your work as well ..
    | Posted on 2005-07-30 00:00:00 | by J W I | [ Reply to This ]
      i loved the guitar part as well i liked this cause id didnt have to rack my brain to figure it out and yet it didnt come across simple either good good work
    | Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by layDsayD | [ Reply to This ]
      super! i like the intro/conculsion for this one. It had away of pulling you in and made you want to know more right away and kind of let you off wanting more. I like how you used the word "freshly" it was a very good adj to use...
    my fav line was

    >her tears strumming his guitar

    cant wait for the rest! i enjoyed this. <sarah>
    | Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by bestdeceptions | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm glad you said it was a series of poems or I would've had a lot of questions. Some misspellings in the first stanza. I've been heart-broken for about a month now. I thought my love had left me, but he came back for me today so I thought I'd tell me fellow poets...lol. I hope your story ends up like mine. I look forward to reading the other poems.
    | Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by HECATE_Sservant | [ Reply to This ]
      i can relate completely.. i cant wait for the next 3! it hits really close to home less than a week ago my boyfriend and i had a falling out and ironicaly he plays guitar...

    great write!
    | Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by sacred_tears | [ Reply to This ]


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