[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The look on your face.dots

    Author: bluesoxz
    ASL Info:    16fohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 71/101/38
    Words: 355
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 829
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1960


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe look on your face.dots

    the look on your face
    Explains everything.
    I know im not your taste
    or blood type but if
    your hungry you will

    I refuse to awake of
    This nightmare it has
    put me on such a Rage
    I don't try to contain.
    The pressure wraps
    Around my heart and
    Squeezes every drop
    of blood it could produce.

    The look on your face
    Explains everthing.Like
    Im a virus getting ready
    To spread. A germ dangerous
    To mankind.(I like the thought
    of being it)since this is
    what I am find a cure and
    Get rid of me.

    I weep from the above but
    no one can see me..The
    Red substance hits the ground
    And no one knows where
    It came from.
    Im a suicide that walks along
    With death wrote on my forehead
    Im a hazard to living
    And a hazard to dyeing.
    Im no good to nothing.

    I request an other life but
    That's like Asking for peace.
    I close my eyes and blink
    And when I open them chaos
    Erupts before me.

    Im so hollow to these humans
    So different from them but
    Here I stand with a heart and
    A sword.Im ready to fight this
    Battle and Im ready to fail
    Your expiations...

    The sounds of the unknown
    The screams you here but don't
    know where this is me trying
    To crawl out of this black hole.
    I was never met to be and
    The look on your face explains
    My heart was never met to
    beat and I wasn't met to breath
    And my soul was never met to
    Be made.

    A creature put in the
    Wrong place at the wrong time
    And the look on your face
    Tells me so

    The look on your face.

    Submitted on 2005-07-29 18:45:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Something about this is just so...different. In a good way. The style, and voice are just amazing.
    One thing though, when you say "met to be," do you maybe mean "meant to be?" That would make much more sense.
    Besides that, great job, this really works.
    | Posted on 2005-07-30 00:00:00 | by YouLied | [ Reply to This ]
      woot woot! loving this one! reading it made me feel like i was the one alone and i was the "I" in the poem. Every new stanza had its own way of pulling me in...it was great. Most long poems on this site i get bored half way through...and with this one i wasnt bored at all! some of the lines that were genius were...

    >the look on your face Explains everything

    >I know im not your taste or blood type(I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!)

    > I weep from the above but no one can see me(uh hello! if this doesnt scream alone i dont know what does...this line itself is poetry!)

    >Im a suicide that walks along
    With death wrote on my forehead(NICE VISUAL)

    >I request an other life but That's like Asking for peace. (in this line should it be"i would request another life..." just wondering? I like this line because its like this little light of hope and strength in all the sadness...nicely written)

    anyways thoughs are just SOME of my favs! there's alot more but im pressed for time :) anyways keep it up because i love your work and your style! <Sarah>
    | Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by bestdeceptions | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot. I love how you described the hallowness in your life. You had a couple of spelling errors, but it's all great, you can fix it.
    I really liked the first and last stanzas. The end, like the begining is very strong. It leaves you with this feeling in the pit of your stomach. I love this poem. GRRRREAT!
    | Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by HECATE_Sservant | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]