Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: FORGIVENdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 638
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 430



    Description:
       MY FIRST SHOT WITH NEW FORMAT hope it reads ok


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFORGIVENdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Its strange being without you ,my world is black and dead.
    I am forever pushed .I long to rip open ,to burst from this human shell.
    There are no words that come to me no fence to keep me.
    There is no shelter from the visions.
    I beg to be forgiven ,to be taken from the insanity.
    Help me someone please.
    The cold steel is inviting.
    Blood on silver.
    It makes me warmly smile.




    Submitted on 2005-07-29 21:39:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow! I love this. The way you didn't let on the actual core of the poem til the end, was perfect. In the middle of the piece it actually went through my mind, that you were talking about cutting. But that's only cause I relate almost every poem to cutting. It balanced perfectly between inhumanity and reality. Hope to see more of this.
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by HECATE_Sservant | [ Reply to This ]
      ok, i like it, but it could be better, i'd redo the fromat, and from there just maybe go over it again, a slight word adjutment, placement here and there can make a big difference.
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    68570

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Labor Pains written by MyPeriodical
    Gone written by MyPeriodical
    Remedies written by MyPeriodical
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    Sanctimony written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Tired Vine written by MyPeriodical
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Human Progression written by ForgottenGraves
    To Be written by MyPeriodical
    Instances written by hyproglo
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    That Kind of Love Never Brought Me Flowers written by Jazzy
    Stretto written by saartha
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    Two hundred and seven times written by MyPeriodical
    Quoth The Skies and its limits written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry