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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: FORGIVENdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 630
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 430



    Description:
       MY FIRST SHOT WITH NEW FORMAT hope it reads ok


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFORGIVENdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Its strange being without you ,my world is black and dead.
    I am forever pushed .I long to rip open ,to burst from this human shell.
    There are no words that come to me no fence to keep me.
    There is no shelter from the visions.
    I beg to be forgiven ,to be taken from the insanity.
    Help me someone please.
    The cold steel is inviting.
    Blood on silver.
    It makes me warmly smile.




    Submitted on 2005-07-29 21:39:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow! I love this. The way you didn't let on the actual core of the poem til the end, was perfect. In the middle of the piece it actually went through my mind, that you were talking about cutting. But that's only cause I relate almost every poem to cutting. It balanced perfectly between inhumanity and reality. Hope to see more of this.
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by HECATE_Sservant | [ Reply to This ]
      ok, i like it, but it could be better, i'd redo the fromat, and from there just maybe go over it again, a slight word adjutment, placement here and there can make a big difference.
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]


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