[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: FORGIVENdots

    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 595
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 430

       MY FIRST SHOT WITH NEW FORMAT hope it reads ok

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Its strange being without you ,my world is black and dead.
    I am forever pushed .I long to rip open ,to burst from this human shell.
    There are no words that come to me no fence to keep me.
    There is no shelter from the visions.
    I beg to be forgiven ,to be taken from the insanity.
    Help me someone please.
    The cold steel is inviting.
    Blood on silver.
    It makes me warmly smile.

    Submitted on 2005-07-29 21:39:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow! I love this. The way you didn't let on the actual core of the poem til the end, was perfect. In the middle of the piece it actually went through my mind, that you were talking about cutting. But that's only cause I relate almost every poem to cutting. It balanced perfectly between inhumanity and reality. Hope to see more of this.
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by HECATE_Sservant | [ Reply to This ]
      ok, i like it, but it could be better, i'd redo the fromat, and from there just maybe go over it again, a slight word adjutment, placement here and there can make a big difference.
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bond written by saartha
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Linger written by saartha
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    AI written by poetotoe
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    True Death written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]