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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: INFINITE(rewrite)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: paulie d
    Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 286/326/105
    Words: 346
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 298
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2055



    Description:
       
    Description:
    old but still a dilemma
    come old and new
    different names same people


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsINFINITE(rewrite)dots
    -------------------------------------------



    INFINITE-------------------------------------------

    how much longer will i have to wait
    to get this waiter to notice me,

    to get a cup of coffee
    with an espresso shot,

    to get the attention ,
    i need
    from an attractive
    well built young nymph,
    who doesn't speak rhetoric,
    doesn't want anyone else,
    anything else,
    except me,
    happy and of course pleased

    how much longer will i have to wait
    for money to flow freely into my bank account
    to get the tax man off my back
    to experience the calm feeling of well being
    to be understood when i speak in english.
    how much longer will i have to wait to be helped in a simple efficient safe way by my a.t.t operator

    how much longer will i have to wait
    for this old man to take another step
    up the busses door way
    .
    its been a long day,i have not been jailed
    my laundry might come back clean
    and
    i still stand the chance of not winning the lottery

    how much longer will i have to wait for my turn
    to come again,or to get the horse i want to ride on the carosal
    with you next to me showing your incredible smile,
    .how much longer will it take for me to get a real home cooked meal,let alone a real home of my own.
    i can wait ,just not that much longer,for my soul gets tired of masturbating with day dreams and a pen and not with you.

    i waited all this time to learn how to love you in a pysical way and not just at play.

    how much longer can my dick get.
    i thought it stopped growing when i was eight,ashamed of its awkwardness when nude walking around naked seemed almost rude.

    how much more do you think i can add on to a queston like this?

    i quess that would depend on my wishlist,or my ridiculous lifespan!!!!!
    paulie d 2000






    Submitted on 2005-07-30 09:52:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this part the most

    its been a long day,i have not been jailed
    my laundry might come back clean
    and
    i still stand the chance of not winning the lottery

    but I didn't like

    i waited all this time to learn how to love you in a pysical way and not just at play.

    how much longer can my dick get.
    i thought it stopped growing when i was eight,ashamed of its awkwardness when nude walking around naked seemed almost rude

    I felt it was a needless slide into the slide of sexuality .. the rest of the poem seems to have a charm of wonder in a mundane world, something we could all relate to.

    but I like the poem a lot. There is one saying in INdia "I am poor man that eats cheap vegetables but when I go to the fields to pass stool I ride a valiant white horse." IN other words when one is faced with fulfilling the important necessities of life, one always meets with reverses, but when one is occassioned to do something of disgudt or displeasure or insignifigance (IN india it is common for people to use the fields as a toilet), one gets all facility. lol - anyway I picked up the same theme in the poem

    thanks

    I guess its time to ride my white horse now
    :)
    | Posted on 2005-07-30 00:00:00 | by kanu | [ Reply to This ]
      Life is a long line waiting for the ride that you don't realize you're on until it's over. Or maybe it's not that at all. I haven't figured it out yet.

    But like you, I wait too. Waiting sucks, but hope keeps us from blowing our brains out, right?

    I liked how you kept adding to it. Because the questions, once asked, keep adding to themselves... that is how I felt reading this, the mild irritation at first to something as simple as wanting coffee refills and it being out of your control time-wise, to it expanding like a rippling wave into the universe, building with each one to include so many other aspects of life... motion, love, etc. Excellent presentation! I truly enjoyed reading it!
    | Posted on 2005-07-30 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]
      i like your rewrite too... i love the dick lines very interesting touch. lol i like how you have everything that you flaw in and wish to go away all mixed in together. i still have to say my favorite lines are
    "how much longer will i have to wait
    to get this waiter to notice me,

    to get a cup of coffee
    with an espresso shot,"

    i guess because even though its written as if just wanting coffee it opens up the doors to many other messages. of how lost and alone the speaker feels. i enjoy your writes very much. i love the addition to this write very much so.
    Jessi~
    | Posted on 2005-07-30 00:00:00 | by slntfirflm | [ Reply to This ]



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