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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Splatdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bas
    ASL Info:    24/f/somewhere...
    Elite Ratio:    4.94 - 42/48/35
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 242
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 905



    Description:
       I wrote this as I was sitting on my sisters bed waiting for her to get off the computer, so that I could get on. I just finished it about 5 minutes ago. It's not that good I know, but I figured I might as well post it here and see what kind of feedback I get.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSplatdots
    -------------------------------------------


    White, like the snow that falls on winter nights
    with a texture that's found in summer clouds.
    A longing to reach out and touch
    sustained by these wondering eyes.

    On blue, like the cold ocean shows
    there lay splats of creations of white,
    and inside there's more to be seen
    more blue, but this-
    this is the blue of the day's eve.

    As eyes wonder,
    here,
    there,
    here,
    and further,
    creations make shadows of blue, not grey.
    Like leaves from trees on autumn days and nights
    they seem to dance happily with grace, throughout.

    Splats of white color on a blue canvas lay
    are shaped like maple leaves that have been stretched.
    This canvas that shows all this and more
    is nothing else than a blanket that lays on this floor. ©




    Submitted on 2005-07-30 18:39:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a beautiful piece of art and a beautiful write. A good descriptive piece.
    I love the title. The third stanza I really enjoyed, here there here, and further etc. This stanza really did it for me. This is artistic! Good write! take care, wanda
    | Posted on 2005-07-30 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
      It's not bad, it's actually very good. This shows a lot of talent, because this could be portrayed to mean many things, like Jessi said, it could be the sky, or the ocean, where the sky is the canvas, and the clouds are the blotches of white, and it could also mean an ocean at night where the canvas is the ocean, and the blotches of white are the reflection of the moon on the ocean. It's truly a beautifully written piece, and I'll be sure to read more from you now. "Like leaves from trees on autumn days and nights
    they seem to dance happily with grace, throughout."
    They seemed to portray a certain feeling of how you felt about your painting, I don't know, I thought these were great lines. Good job to ya.
    Peace and love,
    Aya
    | Posted on 2005-07-30 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      when i read this i get the notion it is about the sky. and how greatly the sky is like a painting. blue yet grey at moments with splots of white clouds. i could be wrong but i took a shot.

    "On blue, like the cold ocean shows
    there lay splats of creations of white,"

    when reading those two lines i think that maybe it is the blue ocean with the crashing whitgish waves in the sea. could be wrong but i get that from those lines.

    you have a nice talent for writing and it has only been recently that i try reading more than just the angst poetry. and i enjoy reading poems like these much more.

    Jessi~
    | Posted on 2005-07-30 00:00:00 | by slntfirflm | [ Reply to This ]



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