Description: another one about my daughter... she is starting kindergarden on Thursday and I am happy, but with knowledge this is the end of my baby years. My heart is getting ready for the next several years, but knowing she will come back to me.
cruel winds throwing
your light and graceful wings
from one direction to the other.
Struggling to find
your point of landing
in this huge world full
of flowers and fallen leaves.
You will find your place
on the rose bush
and breathe the scent
of beauty only owned
by Jaclyn Kennedy
and I will be there
with my binoculars
watching from afar.
Very emotional, and very well executed. the mood of the poem is very well executed, and I hold still to my statement that I want to steal your talent. Maybe then I could post again ;-;(I just rhymed there)
Thanks for the comment on my poem," The Longest Tear I'd Ever Cry". Your poem was very unique, being that I never really write about nature. So everyone has their own way of writing. Anyways, this poem was very well written, but your daughter was the last thing that came to mind when I read it. When I went to read it the second time to understand it, then I read your description. Very good poem and good luck in your writing.
Wow, I get a lot more from this once I know it's about your daughter. (I read it the first time before reading your description.) Is there some way you could make it more obvious that it's about your daughter, without hurting the poem? Maybe with the title somehow (e.g., making the title something like "On the day before Katie starts kindergarten", but less bad)?
this is lovely. I really don't know what to say, except that it is refreshing that you can take a poem dedicated to your daughter an turn it into something free and beautiful as opposed to being all out mush and full of sappy sentiments. This was really very wonderful. I hope she appreciates one day what a wonderful mother she has...
I read this before reading your description - and maybe it's the mother in me that already knew you were speaking of your daughter. This is beautiful - "You will find your place on the rose bush and breathe the scent of beauty only owned by Jaclyn Kennedy" Excellent write, Lisa
Thi is really sweet. I love how you brought the love and concern for your lovely daughter out in an intricately woven "butterfly pattern". How she struggles with the wind in trying to find "her place" to land... and how you watch from a distance as she comes into her own. She's lucky to have you, and vise-versa. A most enjoyable read. ~Sandra
Smile, the love of a child...this made me think of my own son, he's 24 now, remembering him growing up so fast in front of my eyes. "strugling to find your own point of landing" ...then "watching from afar". thanks, Alan
I love the parallells you draw between the natural world and the world we humans have created, the descriptions are so vivid and really draw you into the experiences you see coming up for your daughter. It great that you have seen ahead and show your love for your daughter by letting her find her own feet, while keeping watch for dangers, you preseent your emotions and love for your daughter so amazingly here, i really admire your use of emotions in writing,. Thanks for sharing this...Dave
This is a beautiful dedicated poem to your little"butterfy". A butterfly is a beautiful creation. Your daughter is a beautiful creation. A mother's love is priceless. "And I will be there with my binoculars watching from the air" Just like a mother keeping watch!lol...beautiful and a very good write!
aw this is adorable. i can definently see the love you have for your daughter. and by refering to her as a butterfly, and landing on the rose, she must be the cutest thing on earth. this was such a good poem, it makes me want to hug my mom, and she's away right now and i miss her so much! great job again -steph
I think I like the poems you write about your daghter the best. they hold your true emotions and your true soul. I love the way you fold these images into a beautful story.your daughter is lucky to have such a great mom. take care!-emily
i really love this one. very simple; right to the point. i found the symbolism very accurate and carefully played out. i also thought the allusion to jaclyn kennedy was really great- it really enhanced the poem and brought a touch of reality and scope.
for some reason, though, i don't like the opening line. "little butterfly" gave the poem a feel that didn't parallel to the rest of the poem. perhaps change the adjective, or add one that is semi less cliché [for an opener]. we know butterflies are little. maybe touch on how they are frail, or shed light on their movements. other than that, very nice!