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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Awake a Newdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slntfirflm
    ASL Info:    26/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301/331/93
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1352
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 579



    Description:
       this is by far different from what i write. i just have a spring in my step lately.
    thanks to joeym1962 and inspirit999 for the small change and the grammar. :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAwake a Newdots
    -------------------------------------------


    early morning awakes the day
    graceful smiles from the sun rays
    yearning to have faith
    with god spoken words
    linger on a flower

    may be a daisy or a rose
    with morning dew elegant and a new
    a twinkle in those deep solemn eyes
    pleasant waves across the way

    simple pleasures awaken in me
    without a tear
    without those screams

    listen to the birds chrip
    no hesitant pleading jerk
    embrace the day with someone new
    causing smiles
    paint the vibrant dew.




    Submitted on 2005-07-31 05:20:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, very well done. I actually just wrote a peice with the same expression labeled onto "dew". When I post it I will tell you. I think you will like it. As for your poem, nicely done. I love the way you play with the idea of recleansing. A New day brings new oppurtunities. This idea is well played with.
    This is my favorite stanza:
    "simple pleasures awaken in me
    without a tear
    without those screams"
    This is well done. Shows how nature in all its beauty can sometimes just take all the pain away. So well done, this is a fav for sure. Thanks for the read, PEACE.
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by ConScribe | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice, I agree with Joey, but bar that, it's great! Refreshingly different, and wonderful imagry, plus, I've always been a sucker forthe multiple-meanings behind dew. I don't really know what else to say.
    ~ Uriel
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by Uriel | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very nice poem. I only have one minor nit - i think you beak the first stanza one line early - you might consider pulling that 1st line of stanza two up so it reads like this:

    early morning awakes the day
    graceful smiles from the sun rays
    yearning to have faith
    with god spoken words
    linger on a flower

    My favorite part is the last three lines:

    embrace the day with someone new
    causing smiles
    paint the vibrant dew.

    the analogy of dawn and a new relationship is staggeringly beautiful - very nice!

    joey
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by joeym1962 | [ Reply to This ]
      actually its very nice i like this change of tone here it's very uplifting. "early morning awakes the day" that is a mood as well from what i see is seems like a better hope for the new day.the second line amplifies that mood even more"graceful smiles from the sun rays" graceful smiles is warming. "yearning to have faith with god spoken words" this ties in with the earlier lines in a wonderful connectivity. "with morning dew elegant and a new" that is just plain lovely. i feel for the next three lines "simple pleasures awaken in me
    without a tear without those screams" that is so touching the renewal of thoughts this gives me a good feeling to read it. "no hesitant pleaing jerk" small problem with pleaing maybe pleading? i also like "embrace the day with someone new" it helps to have someone with you when you mood changes. my favorite line is "paint the vibrant dew." every word there is wonderful. a joyous write you have done it well, mike :)
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very spiritual and uplifting, considering just the titles I see on your page, I commend your ability to write yourself into acceptance. And that's all it is, the dawn is a symbol of embracing the new and while the elements you use are common ones ( how could we change what the dawn offers us?) you use them in your own unique way. The dew as paint is refreshing, nothing to hide the real things, just a glisten.
    Really great job on this one,
    peace and love,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]


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