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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Counterclockwisedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: frozenconscienc
    ASL Info:    17/f/md
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 91/55/13
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Lostfriend
    Total Views: 1153
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 694



    Description:
       My first post. Took ten minutes to write. Slam it, if you wish.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCounterclockwisedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Count for reasoning
    Count to ten
    Fall back down
    And start again

    I kept my eyes close
    too long
    I should've known that you'd
    be gone

    How it's always been-
    Run and hide like you do
    When I count to ten
    I'll come rescue you

    Now I can't find you
    It was never my fault
    I tried to get us through
    Our screeching halt

    So I'll count to ten
    Like I always do
    But unlike back-when
    I'll walk away from you

    Count for failure
    Count to ten
    Fall back down
    Through hell again.




    Submitted on 2005-07-31 15:49:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think that the rhyme is very nice and flowed perfectly. I didnt see any spots that made me have to go back and re-read.
    Keep it up and good job!

    Amber
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you all. I shall work on it...I'm not sure if I should post this reply here or not...oye. As you can see, I just joined.
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by frozenconscienc | [ Reply to This ]
      soemthing was off here maybe the rhyming and the ended seemed stange like it wasnt done and forced to finish i liked the idea though
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by layDsayD | [ Reply to This ]
      this was good...i'm personally not a big fan of rhyming with poems but thats just me. i think you kinda got lost in your second stanza...it seems to kinda trail off where as your others seem to go somewhere. but good write. keep it up :)
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by blackbeauty5791 | [ Reply to This ]


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