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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Wasn't Right For Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: playcrackthesky
    ASL Info:    21/f/IA
    Elite Ratio:    4.46 - 463/457/88
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 634
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 894



    Description:
       blah blah blah, i could never get him anyways, blah blah blah i cant get out of this stupid slump ofwriting about someone and somemore blah blah blah coming from me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Wasn't Right For Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    When I saw that other girl
    Her arm slipped through yours
    I realized just then
    That I wasnít right for you.

    So I guess Iíll do what you said
    Iíll take my heart and leave
    I could never pull off
    That pink dress anyways.

    Sheís a better dancer
    Wonít step on your feet
    She wonít whisper in your ear
    Or make your heart tingle.

    Iíll tell you something sweet
    Because I will not be selfish
    I hope you find her
    Completely to your liking.

    Hearts canít be thrown away
    Much to my disappointment
    As I watch your smile
    Begin to entwine with hers.

    Now my seams are thoroughly ripped
    And her neck fully kissed
    Your eyes appear to dance
    Thatís all the proof I needed.

    That I wasnít right for you.




    Submitted on 2005-07-31 17:23:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Aww,
    This is so sad. I know this feeling though. The "why did he pick her?" feeling. It's hard but in the end you realize "Yeah, I wasn't right for him." That part just takes time though. I like the "I could never pull off That pink dress anyways." I also liked how you sort of throw off on the fact that he picked her by saying "I hope you find her completely to your liking." LoL All in all really good piece. I enjoyed it. :)
    Take care!
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-09-03 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      buy a piece of furniture and give the cat a name! (ok... you wont understand that but i do so moving right along... LOL)

    ok... this needs a name... a name that does it justice... really it does.
    ya know... the whole breaking up and moving on thing sucks and sometimes we try so hard to be all grown up and wise and understanding and something but bottom line... it bites... seeing someone else kissing the one you love (or the one you love kissing someone else)

    the philosophizing (i made that one up) in this piece... i wasnt the one for you etc... it may be true but it dont make it any easier to stomach really...

    i think we are getting closer to the truth with the 'i could never do that pink dress thing' which shows the reader that you aint that "ooo... look at me look at me" kinda gal with your pink dress and high heels and make up the drowns your face look... its then that one starts to realise that really... your 'im not the one for you' statement is founded and more substantiated somehow...

    its the dancing eyes that killed me ... right at the end... i can understand EXACTLY how that is proof... yikes!

    you know... writing about boys (or about anything) can be the only way to get them out of our heads so keep writing about him... he'll take leave one of these days... promise!
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Awwww! My heart just goes out to you! How disappointing it is when you are attracted to someone and realize it just ain't gonna happen! I thought this was a nice write and I could feel the disappointment you were feeling in your words! Yeah, who the hell needs f*cking pink dress anyways!? haha! Nice poem! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      HA! Blah, blah, blah...silly, I liked that description. This again was written very well. Didnt come off as pitiful and desperate...just kind of a sorrowful acceptance, ya know? Hope all works out for ya. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. "Random Thoughts" hardly ever hold my attention, but yours did. It's very well written. I like the imagery. I'm afraid I can relate completely. But even knowing that you're not right for someone doesn't always make you stop wishing that you were. You know? But anyways, good luck with everything. Great job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      This isnt like many teenage girls poems.. lol.. which can be a good thing! You aren't dwelling over this guy and crying like a lot of us do, saying why did you leave me blah blah blah.. I think that you put your feelings out there. Which can be a hard thing to do sometimes, I know because Im afraid of what people will say.. or well I was.. I really could care less now.. Keep writing and keep being honest with yourself... Besides, once your over someone and not crying over, its much easier to move on..

    good imagery by the way... i like the way you worded your stanzas and described the situation to everyone!
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by Blindly-N-Love | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, I'll admit that this is personal, but still I found it sort of random. Like: "I could never pull off that pink dress" has nothing really to with the poem but it fits in the situation that you couldn't change. It's this kind of style I love about your writings, and it came again with the reference to dancing. It doesn't really have anything to do with the poem (emotionally that is, though it may have done in real life, I don't know) but it fits because you are saying she is better than you are (which I very much doubt she is anyway) so I enjoyed those parts in particular.

    I can relate to the write overall, because there have been times when I wasn't right for someone, but we're on teens and we have our whole lives ahead of us (ie. without school) and so everyone will find somebody right for them eventually, ok? I know you probably don't need that kind of support, because you'll deal with it just fine, but writing about someone does help you get them out of mind for some strange reason.

    Anyway, ttyl!
    -James
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]


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