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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Angeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LoneWolf
    ASL Info:    16/F/Earth
    Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 136/108/19
    Words: 204
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1528
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1262



    Description:
       ok this one turned into a bit of a story, but it's kinda like what i was feeling one day. i was really sad and down and wished that someone could come and save me so i wrote this to pretend that maybe someday someone could. This is my first every attempt at a uh.. 'happy' poem so maybe it's not so good.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Angeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    I was tired of living
    I tried to run
    I was tired of giving
    For it's no fun
    I thought i knife could end the pain
    A crimson river flowing
    Or a bullet lodged deep in my brain
    To stop the hurt from growing
    I chose the blade
    A lovely knife
    My wounds now fade
    As i end my life
    Sinking down into the night
    The world turns black around me
    Somehow now, there is a light
    But wait, how can that be?
    I open my weary eyes
    And see someone there
    Keeping me barely alive
    While sobbing into my hair
    I lie confused
    But i no longer wish to die
    I'm still bemused
    As i look him in the eye
    It's late in the evening
    What am I to do?
    He whispered in greiving
    "Don't die. I love you."
    I found my angel that day
    He came to save me
    He took all my pain away
    And said he loved me
    The moonsmiled bright that night
    As she gazed down upon us
    Bathing s in silvery light
    Until the sun shone at dusk
    I'm still alive today
    Because on an angel
    I would have died that day
    If not for my angel




    Submitted on 2005-07-31 21:29:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is really beautiful
    This write is so touching
    I can honestly say to you I had the very same experience
    It is really beautiful when you recognize there is someone there watchimg over us
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I love concepts to do with angels and this was no exception. I think you did well to keep the ABAB rhyme scheme going throughout this piece without it sounding too forced and I agree with you that this turned into a bit of a story, when it was just emotions at the start, but it turned out nicely. Happy, you say? Well I wouldn't judge it 'happy' all the way through with references to knives etc at the start, but it turned out happy enough with the angel. A unique poem in its plot and I definately think this is something to build on. Write on...!
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this... so much. I felt like I was reading about my own life... I did have someone that came and saved me from doing harmful things to myself and trying to end my life... and he is my angel that I shall never forget or stop appreciating for what he did for me. I only hope that this piece will come true for you as well and that you will get an angel to come and help you through the rough times. Keep your chin up. You're a great writer... and i'm putting this in my favorites because it really touched so close to my own life and reminded me that there is someone out there that cares.
    Brooke
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by melancholystar | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem! Yeay for the happy write! At first it started off grim, but then turned very positive and I thought that was great! I have always believed in guardian angels. You know how sometimes things happen and you wonder how you remained safe throughout it? Well I believe our "angels" keep a watchful eye on us for protection. Of course it could be mere coicidence but its more fun to believe ya know?? Anyway, you've done a great job with this one and I hope to see more happy writes from you! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I am loving this poem. I just love the wording and the flow, immaculate. Dont we all wish to be saved by our guardian angel. I liked how you established themotional connection between the angel and the persona:

    "It's late in the evening
    What am I to do?
    He whispered in greiving
    'Don't die. I love you.'"

    very heart-warming. Nice write keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      This is great. Beautiful wording. I really love it. I could compliment this all night, but I think you get the point. My favorite part was:

    "It's late in the evening
    What am I to do?
    He whispered in greiving
    'Don't die. I love you.'"

    Thats so sweet. The whole thing is great. You're definitely talented. Great job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful...this is the type of work I like.Honestly it wasn't turned into a story,
    it was made as if it were true...but then again I am not exactly a good poet myself.However yours was perfect...just always remember your Guardian Angel is always watching over you whether you believe Angels exist or not.Keep up the good work...

    -Leo
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by GuardianAngel | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is really sweet. The end did not rhyme quite as well as the rest, but that okay. I kept picturing the angle being God. Really sweet. Keep at it!

    Indigo Kid
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this, though I don't really like works about angels. I thought I'd read this anyway, and I turned to like it. It's very dramatic. The rhyming scheme did kinda take away from it where it didn't quite flow (as shown in earlier comments). However, it's a great poem nonetheless. Keep writing
    Good job.
    *Melissa
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by frozenconscienc | [ Reply to This ]
      This was great! It is SO hard to write a happy poem when there seems to be negative things all around. I know how that is. I don't think I have ever written a happy poem. Ever. You did a great job!

    I can't wait to read more!

    Stefanie
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by DeadValentine | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    68796

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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