Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Lame Fairytale of Famedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: _taateli_
    ASL Info:    18/F/Finland
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 84/113/29
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 980
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 787



    Description:
       something that just popped in my head. fame isn't everlasting?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Lame Fairytale of Famedots
    -------------------------------------------


    whom to give the blame
    of the fizzling fame
    it is just a fake fairytale;
    so many days
    and ways
    of disgrace

    soon their eyes glaze
    they see their face, hear their names
    with all the grace
    and nothing else
    all in vain

    they start to frustrate
    coke and ecstasy they start to take
    they get on the stage
    and fail
    they canít create
    they just break
    try to have a happy face
    but there is no ace left to play

    see now, what the fame gave
    and took away?
    now thereís a small frame
    screaming in pain
    because they saw the case;
    it was just a silly little fairytale

    (itís your day to die again)




    Submitted on 2005-08-01 11:56:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      okay- i love the internal rhyme and broken-up beat... i don't love the backwards sentence... it seems unintelligent, and i know you're incredibly smart. so possibly rephrase the coke and ecstasy line... and the repetition of 'grace' (disgrace, grace) is too close together. those are minor points, don't worry. the rest is perfectly fine! :) let me know if/when you revise it, k? *md*
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    68852

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry