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    dots Submission Name: Beautiful Stranger (pt. 1)dots

    Author: black_beauty18
    ASL Info:    25/Female/Hutchinson, KS
    Elite Ratio:    4.04 - 153/146/46
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 918
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 932

        I don't like this poem... I think it has a lot of problems, but I wanted to post it anyway. It starts out nice and romantic, but as I continue to write, you'll see it turns into heartbreak... let me know what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeautiful Stranger (pt. 1)dots

    Something about you has drawn me in,
    Your lips, your eyes, your walk.
    I know a relationship will never begin,
    I'll keep my feelings in the dark.

    Then you look, you smile at me,
    I'm happy, I'm excited... I'm scared.
    Your stare is intense, I'm in a dream,
    I want to approach you, do I dare?

    You walk to me and gently take my hand,
    You ask me for my name.
    Your touch makes me weak, I can hardly stand,
    Your eyes say you feel the same.

    The sensation is magic, practically unreal,
    After nights of longing and prayer.
    Nothing compares to how you make me feel,
    Something like this is rare.

    In mere seconds, I know you're the one,
    The one who will keep my heart.
    You go your way and I go my own,
    If only I'd known you would tear me apart...

    Submitted on 2005-08-01 19:02:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Melissa this poem is perfect the way it is. I read it slowly the whole way through, somehow your attention to words demands a pace that is complimentary to the emotion.

    But what really struck me is that I have written something very similiar, but from the others point of view. Tell me if you want to see it, I'll post it if you want.

    But hope you write the next part soon. It deserves to end. Though I know that things such as this never really end.

    | Posted on 2009-05-26 00:00:00 | by MidnightSun89 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem. I think you did fine writing this poem. It flowed really well. And it was direct and nicely worded. I liked it. Welcome to Elite Skills. I saw that you are new here. Keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      It was pretty good, but the rhyme scheme was inconsistant and it destracted from the poem. You might consider rearanging some words. I see that this is part one, and I like where it's going. It feels like your on to something good in the last two lines. Good job!
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by confusing myslf | [ Reply to This ]
      you introduced the person well and how you defined you feelings... "Your touch makes me weak, I can hardly stand,
    Your eyes say you feel the same" is my favorite part...
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by kokew... | [ Reply to This ]

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