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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: WAR PAINTdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 710
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 416



    Description:
       heres soemthing i rarley do a tittle that fits the poem hehheheheh this actually stems from comments made by first true love when we were 14 i was such a lil goth a hate the world chick but he always said it was my coldness in me that challenged him i married him ....never let anyone tell you its puppy love sometimes first love can be true love


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    dotsWAR PAINTdots
    -------------------------------------------



    A perfect innocence just years ago .
    Before the tainted times dyed her hair black
    Before she was masked in brilliant shades of blue and green .
    Twisted currents of time pass before her now.
    I believe in her mystery .
    Fall victim to it.
    She is entirely mine .
    Everything past is like war paint to us now.
    A symbolic vision of strength and hate.




    Submitted on 2005-08-01 20:47:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i think its perfect.. u could picture it perfectly..it seemd it was a girl grown up n findn love n then lost it n the way she is now is to hide the way she feels...mayb/mayb not but thats how i got it
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi LayD, you have improve even more it seems. I like this poem. Your flow was good. And you are turning into a master with imagery. It was short, but it was full of meaning. Sounds like love was good but turned bad, and the mental warpaint is all that is left of the memories. Great job.
    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      The mental pictures that this poem formed were both memorable and beautiful. My only question is whether or not you should be using periods at the end of each line, and whether this causes an interruption in the flow.
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]
      Too short for me, I think you should lengthen it, it seems a lil' rushed. Try to put more detail to it.
    Try to cause the reader to feel what you're trying to convey.
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]


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