[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: shadowachedots

    Author: k kin
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 56/51/12
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 763
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 612

    1. there is a kind of sadness and unrest inside which seems rather pointless and stupid, but it springs forth because of endless questions and frustration and thought regarding ones existence. it thus seeks to destroy itself in its quest to know what its existence means.

    2.and so if you look inside these yes, you will see death,nothingness. and this will have to be enough, as the only sign the body,the spirit will show on the outside of the sacrifice that has been made, which is the giving up of one's very essence,what one is truly made of inside.

    3.one forsakes what is truly us,what we were meant to be (what god meant us to be),a nd instead passively accept what we get in life, have desires and have them fulfilled, but most of these things lead us to nowhere.

    4. on looking behind one sees his shadow. but this soul this body is made of nothing solid as it has no true essence left, it only pretends to have form. so how can it cast a shadow?

    5. and so the unrets inside is calmed and pacified because it sees the shadow and believes that it has no expresions of grief, no sadness.but this belief is like a thief, this very shadow is like a thief stealing the truth.

    6. then one sanctifies and this lie. and lives life believing in this false belief, as a kind of defence mechanism maybe,or merely to provide a reason that one can live with, a reason for the silence.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    so vain
    this bane
    of existence

    in eyes
    to suffice
    as sacrifice
    of the essence

    maker's make
    concede to take
    of no consequence

    will follow
    but this show
    is hollow
    an empty pretence

    from belief
    there is no shadow grief
    a shadow thief
    to steal evidence

    this lie
    to supply
    a reason why
    for the silence.

    Submitted on 2005-08-01 22:36:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      It's simple and straightforward and conveys a specific feeling, I like that. I like the rhyming scheme, and I felt I could relate to it, however without reading your notes it's not completely clear what you're trying to say. just thought you might like the think about that, keep it up
    Regards, Kalinda
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by Kalinda | [ Reply to This ]
      May I make a suggestion? :-) don't tell people anything about the poem, let them read it then draw there conclusions, that way you can see if it is hard or easy for the person to grasp. You cause them to use there brains.
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]