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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Peace of Minddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dreamweaver
    ASL Info:    28/f/WI
    Elite Ratio:    7.22 - 1022/443/42
    Words: 168
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 967
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1124



    Description:
       The last line had to be said...tons of animosity here! It hurts, it makes me angry and I need to let it all go!
    Thanks Mike for helping to open my eyes and figure out how to begin this horrid process!

    Give me your thoughts.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPeace of Minddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Trapped within these four walls,
    built solely on anger, hate, fear and betrayal.
    Trying desperately to learn how to let go.
    Years have passed and still you haunt my mind-
    control my every move.
    You pull at the strings,
    once again I'm dancing to your psychotic melodies.

    Creeping through rusty cemetary gates,
    you are all but buried.
    Your ghost looms in every shadow,
    your voice chills me to the bone with every subtle breeze.
    I come here to this graveyard of memories searching for peace.

    To take one breath that isn't heavy with deceit,
    fill my lungs with fresh air.
    I stand at this moment,
    letting go-
    freeing mind, body and soul of everything that is you.

    You are no longer winning this game,
    I'm taking back control.
    After all the mourning,
    anger and hate have finally sunk in.
    Cutting the strings-
    every tie that binds.

    As Satan bends you over this night,
    my only hope is that I drift through your mind.




    Submitted on 2005-08-02 08:46:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A very RADICAL piece...wish all of us were this point to release emotions this way hahahhaha. Hey this piece evoked a variety of emotions:both ANGER and EXCITEMENT...It gave me a rush...parallel to the kind you get when a surden lift of a negative emotion transpires...Please dont blame my feedback Im listening to gospel music...Nevertheless it was a marvellously penned down piece...Thank u4 sharing...Be happy..Nobantu
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, they are somewhat alike candi, your poem and mine, i like how u used the graveyeard bit, that was awsome... he's dead and yet he still haunts you, sooo relating right now. yeah i like ur poem... sorta feel like it's a little more metaphorical than mine, it's really good, the only thing i don't really like is the breathing in fresh air, i think if he were still haunting you... if he's "all but" burried then the air would still not quite be fresh... it would smell of him... just an idea. anyways like i said really good peom, enjoyed the read, think it's funny when u can feel feelings in other's poems that are totally what u have felt.

    xox jeni.
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by thoughts | [ Reply to This ]
      I detect a little revenge in this one and the last two lines show it. I will say you spelled it out pretty plain for this person. We have to let go of bad experiences and move on or else it will be like a desease that will eat you up from the inside. From reading this it seems to me you have let go and that is good.
    I enjoyed read'n your poem,
    !doc'
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      In-f*cking-credible!
    I find myself hoping Satan allows more than himself to bend him over. The release of the control - the process, the imagery of going to the graveyard - vivid and so real. Another very great submission...I have to tell you though, I really like you writing - but you have to stop telling everybody to rip it to shreds - the reason they don't is because it is good - so just roll with it - you have some serious talent that goes well with life experience
    Well done,
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2005-09-03 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      HA! HA! I like the last two lines. Just great. Cant we all write about these feelings, ya know? Whooo-doggie!

    Hope all gets better for ya. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      Way to go! Great! Splendid! F*cking awesome! This is wonderful and powerful and just brilliant! I am so happy to read the strength is there! I know that this is so hard. This definitely sounds like a past love and immense suffering that you have endured because of it. I know how it feels to be soooo hurt and feel that way for a long time! I have gained much strength from my growth through a situation that sounds so familiar to this! "Once again I am dancing to your psychotic melodies" is a brilliant wording! And those last two lines just make me wanna stand up and applaud you girl! I am proud of you for this! I am excited for you for this! Great write!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey girl, dont hold back, just let it come out. You've done a fine job here, letting him know exactly how you feel. Hang tough and be strong. You have it in you.
    Carol.
    By the way, the last two lines were awesome!
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Girl, hat's off to you! I had tears in my eyes as I read this because I knew people I feel this way about and...just don't get me started. lol. This is soooo powerful and moving, that if I could I'd hug you. You certainly have a strong voice here. Speak up and speak loud girlfriend! You out did yourself here...as we southerners say, "you put your foot into it". lol.
    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      ha ha i told you what i thought about being satan's [censored] ha ha i love it! one of a kind most intense and definately a freaking fav. butt ram him satan! ha ha ha. im so glad you are letting go and cutting the string. here are some line(S) i love "Trapped within these four walls,
    built solely on anger, hate, fear and betrayal."
    that is most awesome there. "You pull at the strings, once again. I'm dancing to your psychotic melodies." wonderful my gosh woman. the entire 2nd stanza! "freeing mind, body and soul of everything that is you."
    and the last two lines just for the intensity of it!
    "As Satan bends you over this night,
    my only hope is that I drift through your mind."
    bravo! wonderful if i could put this as a mega favorite i would with gold ribbons all around it.
    mike
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      yes, well anger and hate will eat you from the inside out.. i have felt this and it doesn't feel good at all.. ghosts that haunt and won't leave you be. that's where i think the surrender has to come in.
    i hope that you have found the peace of mind you are searching for.
    take care,
    @ Cat
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]


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