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    dots Submission Name: WAKE UP!!!dots

    Author: solemnpen
    ASL Info:    18
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 303/339/42
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 711
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 651

       the piece describes itself, nothing more-nothing less

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWAKE UP!!!dots

    WAKE UP!! before its to late
    before your kids
    are in their graves

    WAKE UP!!! you cant better life
    when down the street
    people die everynight

    WAKE UP!! to see what goes on
    before It's too late
    and reality its your own home

    WAKE UP!! to the smell
    of a fresh casket arrangement
    another day, in this hell

    WAKE UP!! not a cry for help
    just a scream
    for people who can't defend themselves
    WAKE UP!! this is for you, not me
    before its to late
    and you woulda wished you believed me

    Submitted on 2005-08-02 10:50:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
    a very good write
    i got the feeling that you were trying to get a message out to parents to keep an eye on there kids
    a message to your fellow teenagers to wake up and stop the violence and hating before things get way too deep
    its refreshing reading something so deep from a young mind like yours
    best of luck in school this year take it seriously becayse you definately have a future in writing or journalism
    by the way i read your rap which was very well written to the one you said you were drinking a little
    take care of yourself
    theres plenty of time later in life to party dont waste the god given talent you have

    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an important piece for people to read and embrace. So many people wait until it is way to late to open their eyes! I hope that some people heed your warnings you've been putting out there. I can't even begin to pretend to relate-i've told you that a million times already...but you put a lot into what you have to say! Thanks for posting another great write!
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      People should awake from from the complacency that we all some times slip into. If we all just paid a little more attention attention than some of the events in life would never come to surface and we would all feel a little less haert ache. valid subject and valid read. thanks alot. bye ash
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      wake up huh? good choice of words. some people think that life is nothing but a dream, or in some cases a nightmare. it's not good 2 live that way cuz u go through life slepping and u don't see all the truths of the world that we live in. good write cade.
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      waking people up, yeah that's got substance. quick grammatical errors, 5th stanza last line should be themselves, not theirselves, when you are describing people doing something as a group it is themselves. also the last line you woulda wished you believed me is kinda oddly worded, i think there is a better way to arrange that sentence, but it has got to sound right to you, but try tweaking it a little.
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by ariadne | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you for the wake up call.
    I dont understand what this poem is about but i do get the meaning. If you understand what i mean.
    It is a good play on words and it has its own beat.
    I like this poerm.good write.
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by Bailey19 | [ Reply to This ]
      Fool, it's a qurter after 2 and you are a sleep! Wake UP! nah, just playin'-you have made some valid points in this peace. But as a couple others mentioned there are numerous grammical errors and they drawaway from the write. Fix dat [censored] boy..

    All in all-good job though.

    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by Brack-Attax | [ Reply to This ]
      dude i loved this! to me it had the rythm of a rock song from System of the Down..

    but this also has a message that i almost missed...i should be full of shame for that...

    my favorite stanza would be

    WAKE UP! before its to late
    before your kids
    are in their graves

    yeah that should go to all the parents that abused, molested, etc... to their kids, and they say they love their kids...

    yeah well i'm adding ass my fav
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by Kay | [ Reply to This ]

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