Description: I was stoned off my ass, and didn't even remember writing this until I found it saved under dfgdffd in my documents folder a week later. I like it. Flows.
Fathom it yourself.... -------------------------------------------
"May the may bells be merry
May the clockwork be still
May the taste of blood on my lips
Bring your lips to chill
Touch me coldly touch me ice,
Decomposing fingers stretch crack
And roll the life of dice.
And we all know the truth
And when there was no one left to tell
And we all know the bitterness
When knowing fades and becomes hell.
Seething maps of winter is her skin
And when she comes oh she comes
At night, when the spotlight grow dim
And not twenty seven blackbirds
Only five to count on these walls
And all to you here is how to lure
The rabbit in the rabbit calls."
Great! I believe this is your best write! Great word games like 'may the may bells...' and 'rabbit in rabbit calls'. I didn't notice the bad timing that was mentioned in the past comments, at least not so bad to throw me off and distract me. Only, maybe, the 6th line in the first stanza - if you just erased the word 'crack' or 'stretch' it'd be much better. But you don't have to. It's your poem and if you feel that this way it expresses your feelings better, than leave it. All the other lines that are just a bit off rhythm, are of great quality and sound too good to make me worry about the timing. The poem isn't chilling just by itself, but the quality of the poem is more than chilling! Really great write! You should get stoned more often :) Be well.
This very deep and dark. A very chilling poem. And sometimes confusing. I could not follow what it meaning was. I liked the flow, but the poem itself, I could not relate to. Maybe it's just me. But you did use good imagery. Nice job. Maggie
ummm...this one had good rhyming but bad timing. the count of syllables was way off on some lines which kind of took away form the poem and distracted me alittle bit. i like the line "may the clock work be still." I agree and i dont find this poem chilling at all, just strange.
Hmm... I'm not sure how I feel about this poem... I do agree with bestdeceptions, the syllables were off quite a bit, but I don't really have much room to talk because I run into the same problem in a lot of my work. My advice to you is to browse the site, read lots of poems by lots of different people... remember the styles you like and the ones you don't, try some different things. Don't be afraid to explore new options. ~Melissa~