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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Simple Love Poemdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dylanpoe
    ASL Info:    21 m la
    Elite Ratio:    4.09 - 322/332/56
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1108
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 511



    Description:
       just something a little simple, just to express to that special someone, how i feel


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Simple Love Poemdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Eternal bliss and butterflies
    Sparkling champagne
    clear night skies
    Only filled with
    endless clusters of stars
    Kisses endlessly flow
    After tonight
    to purgatory, I will gladly go
    No regrets, lost in your eyes
    with every touch
    my soul quietly rises
    to the depths,
    with no escape,a magnificent fate
    to have to surrender to you
    let our souls twist even deeper
    and express, once again, that
    I LOVE YOU




    Submitted on 2005-08-02 20:18:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this was so deep, i cant express the emotion felt. something so short, but yet it feels like it takes the place of a 4 page love sonnet. nothing simple, only something beautiful, good job bro
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by solemnpen | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a wonderful write! Very romantic and touching. The words and imagery was very moving.

    endless clusters of stars
    Kisses endlessly flow
    After tonight
    to purgatory, I will gladly go

    Very nice indeed!

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      "Eternal bliss and butterflies
    Sparkling champagne
    clear night skies"
    That says love, passion...
    "No regrets, lost in your eyes
    with every touch
    my soul quietly rises
    to the depths,
    with no escape,a magnificent fate
    to have to surrender to you
    let our souls twist even deeper"
    And that is sensual - Someone is very lucky to have you
    This is beautiful
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked how this poem was simple. The lines were short and that helped the message become clearer. I enjoyed reading it, and I smiled at the end. I then read it again. It was good the second time too, but I noticed your use of the word soul. What is your idea of a soul? I didn't really get it.
    I like the line, "No regrets, lost in your eyes..." There's a hint of cliché, but I believe the words.
    Good work, love poet!
    | Posted on 2005-08-03 00:00:00 | by Lulu La Feyne | [ Reply to This ]
      Good job. -_- Simple, yet very sweet. I liked some of the lines a lot. My favorites:
    -Eternal bliss and butterflies
    -let our souls twist even deeper

    Hmm, I don't know they kind of striked me funny. Lyke when I read the first line, I knew right away it was going to be a poem I was going to like. And it was. The only thing is...and this is extremely nitpicky, considering there is nothing else wrong with the poem (and I always like to say at least one thing that took away from the piece) At the end the I LOVE YOU, because the poem was beautiful and strong, you don't need caps to get your point across. That, and I just have a thing against a whole line of caps in general. Sorry this wasn't very helpful, you probably think I'm a total loser, heh. Keep writing and I'll keep (attempting) to come abck with some helpful comments.

    -Lexie
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by RawrFlowers | [ Reply to This ]
      the purgatory line needs to be altered as well as some of the forced rhyme... dont take away from something that is described as simple by forcing emotions and unneeded words... you would have had something decent, if not for the choice to try and make it spectular.....
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by daniel05 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    69076

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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