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    dots Submission Name: Angeldots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 689
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 646

       This was originally written some time ago for a lovely, dark-skinned lady who is perfect in every way.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I've got this ache
    deep in my bones,
    I need your help
    to chase it away;
    it was this inspiration
    that led me here,
    you are the night
    of the following day

    Caress me, my angel
    so beautiful,
    the earth can neither
    alter nor contain,
    this sinuous lady
    and her sweet delights;
    you are the night
    of the following day

    Time has entangled
    the ghostly dawn,
    that was born to wander
    and begs to stay
    deep in the cavern
    of a perfect night,
    you are the night
    of the following day

    Submitted on 2005-08-03 10:43:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I liked many of your lines in this
    "the earth can neither
    alter nor contain,
    this sinuous lady
    and her sweet delights"
    "Time has entangled
    the ghostly dawn,
    that was born to wander
    and begs to stay
    deep in the cavern
    of a perfect night"
    These are real strong and very vivid images for me - it took me a moment to get the "you are the night of the following day" but once I got it (call it a few beers into the day) I really liked the way this reads
    | Posted on 2005-08-03 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      aww you didnt have to write this about me? huh? it's not about me? well from your discription lol jk

    absolutely LOVED "you are the night of the following day" excellent imagery. Its nice to read poems of love that are not the average read...not once did you use the same old metaphors we all use...truly beautiful and unique! major brownie points for this.
    | Posted on 2005-08-03 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, I really like the way you did this. It must be your word choice, because such small lines usually reads in a rather staccato way, yet this doesn't.

    You paint her colour in a very interesting, quite different way, and I like the vision of the time you use to conjure up the darkness.

    Excellent work,

    Be Happy

    | Posted on 2005-08-03 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      mmmm...isnt it great to be able to feel this way about a woman? I really enjoyed this and just felt "it", ya know? I agree with Graeme about the short line stuff...though I dont know what staccato means, but if it means what I think it does, you did a fine job of eluding that. Nice job. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-08-03 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      i loved the repeating line "you are the night of the following day..." she's the beautiful lover who comes to you in the darkest night, lays her beauty upon you and gives you sustenance. she chases away that ache deep inside .. 'course, we can't really depend on another to do that for us, but this read like a fantasy lover we all wish for who brings light to the darkness of night.
    @ Cat
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]

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