[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Touristsdots

    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 432
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1066

       my first shot at Rhyming lil scary what do you think

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The air is so heavy.
    Even breath takes thought.
    Each smell mixes with another.
    I cant remember what I caught .
    The trees cant sway.
    In the stores the snow birds cackle.
    Like they do all day .
    Thereís another storm moving in
    Its always the same.
    There is always another storm.
    We will give it another silly name .
    They will buy up every bottle of water.
    Damn I just need cat food.
    Go someplace else to die.
    I cant help but be rude.
    I cant even park .
    The sky is half sunset half dark
    They come they go
    On every channel is stuff we already know.
    As quickly as it comes the season ends.
    Iíve burned every candle .
    Listening to its howling winds
    Iíve Played every card game twice.
    I should move to the city that would be nice .
    Somewhere out west
    Could give Cali a try
    No with my luck there would be an earthquake
    Id move in on a fault line and probably die

    Submitted on 2005-08-03 11:58:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Very good peom and well written.
    I love your ending..

    No with my luck there would be an earthquake
    Id move in on a fault line and probably die

    It made me smile.
    It seems that you're rhyming on random lines. Normally that would bother me, but I like the way you did it. It gave the peom some interesting movement. Almost like the storm itself...
    | Posted on 2005-08-03 00:00:00 | by Jakirina | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Bond written by saartha
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Push written by JanePlane
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    AI written by poetotoe
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    True Death written by layDsayD




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]