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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Spooning On Emptydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SHRINKSDR
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 476/375/39
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1322
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1081



    Description:
       Heat wave in NY, so sleeping was fitful. This came to me in the middle of the night. When I thought of the title I laughed out loud and almost woke my wife!



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSpooning On Emptydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Home, Itís late, a long day!
    I lay down my heavy load

    She sleeps.
    I disentangle the sheets, blankets
    Wrapped around her like some ancient Egyptian Mummy.

    Gently, quietly,
    I come up behind her and
    curl Into a spoon.

    my arms gently envelope her.
    I feel her rounded softness
    Wiggle into me and
    nestled along the
    Sensuous curves of our bonded bodies.
    I become aroused at
    the feel and scent of her.

    I pull her even closer
    Itís late! Iím tired, I know she is.
    I ease back slightly and soften my embrace.

    The rise and fall of
    Her breathing body
    Is now synchronous
    With mine

    Her heart beats within my chest.
    Tension and worries evaporate, fade
    with each exhale.


    Weíre floating.
    No longer in bed
    But on a tranquil body
    Of water lazily and
    Gently drifting along
    As we both fall into
    A restful slumber




    Submitted on 2005-08-03 18:32:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      that was so comforting...i am at work at the moment and i am so tired all i want to do i crawl into bed and snuggle my Mrs just like you described, you wrote this with such clarity...beautiful...
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by orpheus | [ Reply to This ]
      it's very silky and sweet. spooning is my favorite; its security and sensuality all at the same time.
    What you wrote about and how you wrote about it makes the reading experience very nice.
    There's some flow issues I had-dealing with extra words and a little bit of uncomfortable wording. But I mean, I see no point in complaining when I'm smiling after I read the poem.

    AKHI
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by Alize | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a neat piece. I like spooning myself - if I could say one nice thing about the ex - it was spooning...
    "Disentangle the sheets, blankets
    Wrapped around her
    Quietly, I come up behind her
    Nestle into a spoon"
    I can so see that...the whole thing reads well, Steve, another great one from you...
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2005-08-03 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      spooning is such a wonderful thing... i like the title because to me it says that you come home feeling empty and used up from your day. then you crawl into bed to spoon your wife.. by the end you are not empty anymore. beautiful image of being taken to that tranquil body of water.. very soothing.
    this has a touch of sensuality to it that is just enough..
    nice write,
    @ Cat
    | Posted on 2005-08-03 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a nice good piece, and yes the title make you giggle.
    You happy fat cat...lol! This had a sensual feel to it when you crawled into bed. That heat waved cooled down for a while...and sleep was no longer an issue. A good write! Take care, wanda
    | Posted on 2005-08-03 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
      the 1st and 2nd stanza i can relate coming home and being tired saying to myself "thank god im home" also like that seeing the sea of faces melting away. the 3rd stanza its gets quite saucy with the butt and the groin description. sounds rather nice there. really like the feel and scent part that would drive me wild. 4th stanza this drifts as far as i can see into another train of thought or whole other reality. maybe a reflection im not sure. unless it is describing the emotion you feel or spirutal feeling/event. 5th verse sounds very passionate the synchronous breathing together is a wonderful touch. 6th "I feel her heart beat In my chest" has to be my favorite line here romantically catching. anything with two hearts beating or a person's heart beat felt grabs me. 7th stanza im trying to see that only thing i can get is your love is leaving or a past event left in the mind. if so then perhaps the previous lines where a reflection or a hope. hopeful maybe for a love renewed that would give me a a meloncoly feeling. 8th now its gets very interesting its pitch black and anyone present gives me the feeling either you are alone or in your mind you feel alone. the smile contentedly is a strange conflict unless im getting this wrong thus far. 9th line is even more depressing with the waiting for a dark cloud to engulf you, not just sleep's dark cloud. a numbing cloud so as to relieve the pain or make one forget. the pain most likely i would be so bold as to say being lonely. faliing alseep takes you out of a hurtful reality. if im right this is a painful write. hope i did ok, mike :)
    | Posted on 2005-08-03 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      Steve, there's a hell of a lot of good stuff in here.

    I smiled almost the whole way through, I was almost popeyed, and I wondered if there would be a punch line...

    Nicely done, and I had to laugh at your fuel gauge gradually rising, absolutely priceless.

    Cheshire Cat...not bad at all.

    Be Happy

    Graeme

    | Posted on 2005-08-03 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very enjoyable read Steve. It's really nice to have someone to fall alseep with at night.. even if it's just a tender touch of hands or feet, it can be most reassuring and lovely...
    but what you have written here is a sweet, sensual moment, expressed wonderfully in my opinion.
    I love the way your moment-to-moment feelings come out in this. Some sensual, some humorous. Put together like that, it makes a most enjoyable read.

    And by the way...I love the title too.

    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this. It reminded me of when my husband worked graveyard and would come home in the pre-dawn hours and we would have a couple hours to snuggle before I got the kids ready for school.
    I can't think of any helpful comment or anything that needs to be changed, it's perfect.
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a nice sensual piece that I see is greatly appreciated! I really enjoyed reading through this one. I love the feeling of my husband's arms around me in the middle of the night, it's when I feel safest and when I feel closest to him. It's so nice how you described all of the day's troubles disappearing holding her close and feeling the serenity of just being with her. Great write!
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      You have such a way with words. The sensual pieces you write are just... just... right! I so understand the sentiment here. I can have the longest day of my life and as soon as my sweetheart walks in the door the stress levels start to drop- instantly. It is so wonderful to connect to someone else, and know that you have the same effect on them. A beautiful way to express that kind of revitalization. Keep writing these amazing pieces!

    -Chell-
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very nicely written! So soft yet so sexy and quite the subject matter as well! Such a wonderful feeling to have that someone special to come home to and crawl into bed and curl your bodies up together just so! That "perfect fit" kinda feeling that just makes you smile and releases all the tension of the day! The only part I got a little lost with was where you feel her heartbeat, it seems to become passionate, yet no mention of it. Just the tension subsiding and so on. Maybe you left that part up to the reader to sort of "fill in the blanks" and then its off to a restful nights sleep. Anyway this is a great poem! Once again this is very good stuff! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      *grin*

    How did you know that's my day? Nice piece. I like the way you paint the exhaustion from everyday events and stress. Can't see as single thing that I think needs to be changed. Excellent write.

    Peace,

    Joey
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      the first time I read this I was a little confused by the fuel guage part but I think I get it now. it's not the car but more like you re-energizing I think. but no matter. it was a lovely intimate poem that brought to mind the blessed peace of having someone to snuggle up behind. very nicely done.
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this piece because its like soft and sweet. i like the way you expressed the feelings throughout your poem. also thanks for the feedback on my poem home. im so homesick right now it kills...but i only have 14 more days.
    xoxoxomuchlove-ash
    ps y were u in boot camp pm me
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by DanceADream | [ Reply to This ]


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