Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fluid Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1413
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 764



    Description:
       This is dedicated to all my friends that have had their love shattered.

    Love is an ocean. When it breaks we either drown or discover that it was just a small part of something much bigger. Pieces of the past can show us the light (God) in our lives. Love is so large it can't be contained. It is liquid and always flowing and takes on the shape of whatever bottle or jug it is in. I believe a hand that we often do not see except in the actions it takes, directs and controls the flow. It does take time for us to understand, sometimes.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFluid Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Love is fluid.

    It moves and shapes
    to its container.

    It is an ocean
    in a bottle.

    Waves move
    from one end
    to the other
    as it floats
    in the sea.

    Then the God of
    all things liquid;
    the ruler of life, love
    emotion and joy,
    tosses it on a rock.

    The shattering noise
    is unheard
    in the breaker's roar.

    Love is lost as it is
    absorbed into
    something more.

    Shards of glass glisten
    on the outcrop
    as a reminder of
    the former
    confinement.

    Such kindness
    of the divine
    takes time
    to understand.




    Submitted on 2005-08-04 06:16:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i really like this, I love to see an actually good poem
    about love, when theres so many ones that seem to be all the same ive noticed on here. I love the way you compared love to fliud and the ocean, it's so clever and different. very unique and beautiful,
    thankyou
    char
    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by ohgpanic | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the image of love being a bottle out at sea as your image. it works very well and makes the reader have to really think about what the piece is saying. it makes the piece more meaningful and tells the story better. great piece.

    ~smlaw
    | Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by smlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a very intelligent piece of writing. any reader cannot help but be impressed by the way you bring fluidity into the prose and once love is shattered and we all nod ... you then leave us with a spiritual and most profound gem. your words have found their mark. this is superb. j
    | Posted on 2005-08-31 00:00:00 | by Alter idem | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed the spiritual aspect of this write! You made some profound observations and used a solid metaphor with an ocean of experience to back it up.

    A lovely expression and proper perspective.
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      ah, very nice. perhaps this understanding is what we're all searching for. lovely metaphors and images in your poem. the ocean has special significance for me since I grew up on the east coast. now all I have is a lake for water, which I suppose is better than nothing, but it can never beat the ocean. and love is definitely fluid. it flows and runs from one person to another when it's given freely. nice write!
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      As they say..."everything happens for a reason". Nobody really understands what that reason is right away, but eventually we'll figure it all out. This was a very nice piece and loved how you used 'fluid'. This was a very good write and I appreciated reading it immensely.
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      "Love is fluid"
    So many images come to mind, but you kept my focus with your description. This is one time when saying "The Flow" was superb doesn't sound like a cliché'
    I enjoyed this very much
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      The last strophe just makes me want to hug you, in a time when I need consoling, it makes perfect sense. The next trip into love is always better and while we think the suffering is so great when love is gone, there is a new plan arriving for an even greater bliss. Always the depth of the container can restrict love's bounty. Many of my poems have compared the ocean to love's as waves arc to find us.

    This has beauty and great common sense, thanks for sharing it before and now too. blessings to the goddess muse.
    peace and love,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      !wOw!

    Boy do I like this! Just when I thought people were running out of ways to describe love, you hypothesize this crafty analogy! Love's containment, may very well be love's control upon someone.
    I'm gonna try..
    Think of it this way.
    A full milk jug gets attention.
    An expired milk jug gets avoided or thrown out.
    And an empty milk jug gets immediately forgotton.

    Oh hec, I dunno x-) I think what you have here is just great, and it truly shines light on why it is so great for us to be alive. Because there is always that chance, that we'll fall in love again!

    -Ishoes
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by iShoes | [ Reply to This ]
      Very original write. This brought forth some very vivid and new images. The idea of love as liquid is a very strong idea. The flow was good, and it moved easily from one stanza to the next. I pictured the sun shining through a green bottle on the beach as it sat precariously on a cliff with the liquid sloshing around inside due to a stiff wind. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    69262

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Shi written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    prison written by ShyOne
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry