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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Set the Earth on Firedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Emma_closes
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 88/111/44
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 834
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 834



    Description:
       I'll leave this one up to interpretation.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSet the Earth on Firedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You ate corruption for dinner
    and washed it down with a red wine.
    You drink deeply
    because it sets your mind free.

    After the third hour of just watching
    silver lightning in the sky
    you decide you need a change,
    and with no explanation why
    you set the earth on fire
    and try to put it out
    with red wine.

    You set the earth on fire,
    (oh, now the situation's dire),
    because it just proceeds to burn.
    It melts away in layers
    of greed, perversion, and lust
    oops, I mean
    'the mantle, core, and crust'.

    Now you've set the world ablaze
    and all that's left is the red wine.
    You take one look back at it burning
    and decide that that's just fine.




    Submitted on 2005-08-04 10:08:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Aww... liked this. Some little technicalities here... well first off... you mention in the 3 stanza about the earth melting away in layers... and then you mention the layers... 'mantle, core, crust' - the real order of those layers is crust, mantle, core... but i know you're going for the rhyme- so try 'core, mantle, crust'? Sorry lol that little point seems to just perfect the poem a bit more.

    Some tense inconsistency in stanza1.
    'You ate corruption for dinner
    and washed it down with a red wine.
    You drink deeply
    because it sets your mind free.'
    ate/drink... past/present.

    I loved this very much. Your 2nd and 3rd stanzas were especially symbolic and dark. Your added parenthesis was a charm. Gah, this came real close to being a favorite.

    =]
    Farrah
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by babixpeaches | [ Reply to This ]
      sounds as if the "you" is God or some other higher being able to watch the corruption of the world. He hates what has become of his creation:

    perversion, and lust

    and decides to burn it. Now putting out the fire with red wine-the wine could symbolize blood? Dont know exactly where im going with this but bare with me. So he has set the "world ablaze" and trys to burn it out with red wine (aka blood) but it still burns and in the end the wine is left. This is intense. I just have one problem. The poem has some choppy flow and loses something in the middle as I read it. I feel as if somethings missing...and i don't know what it is. Overall its pretty intriguing...the concept I mean. nice.

    later days
    tracey
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]
      Pretty cool.
    Althought on the third line before the ending you missed an "e" in "wine."
    Anyway, I would lable this person as ...my type of person because of the whole craving to be rid of the world's crap. This is well portrayed on the last line. However, the whole drinking red wine thing to "clear the mind"...I don't know about that part. It kind of destroys the image of the good guy. I'm not even sure if this is a good guy because he drinks! Most of the evil in this world begins when one is frik'n intoxicated. Drunk people puke, stumble, rape, shoot, get in fights, neglect their children and beat their wives when they come home. It's disgusting. Anyway, now that I've totally distorted the meaning of this poem, would you mind telling me a bit more about it?
    Also, I thought that the "oops" line was pretty cute. Hahaha. Yep. I remember learning about that in 7th grade.
    Viva
    M!
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]


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