This is a very nicely written poem! Reading this just put a smile on my face! It reminds me of those wonderful saturday's when you can spend all day in bed with your man just holding each other, sleeping late and all that other good stuff!And not getting out of bed until late afternoon and by then you are sooooo hungery and breakfast sounds so good! I love to have breakfast for dinner especially when it follows this kind of day! Very nice write! Take care!
i didnt see the reason for the line breakfest for dinner/shouldnt be sweet to repeat itself... also it is too difficult to compare a love to blackberry jelly while also comparing it to breakfest at dinner... saying shouldnt be sweet gives your readers the idea that what you have is good, but you dont want it... if thats the way you feel, then thats fine... but if its not then you need to express your thoughts more clearly
Wow this is pretty good :D I like it. The wordplay kept drawing me in, until I reached the end. It was like I expected more, but what I got was true brilliance. I'm not exactly saying it was too short, just disappointed that it ended so soon. :P Also what I think you meant by "shouldn't be so sweet" is that maybe you didn't expect it to be so good?
i loved this... do you know why...? (ok... nothings ever obvious with me so ill just tell you huh..?!) coz its so backwards! ive NEVER thought of breakfast for dinner... its always been dinner for breakfast in my worrld... stodgy soggy pizza with half melted ice cream... all left overs of the fun night had the night before and somehow these left overs kinda ruin the whole night... leave a bad taste in your mouth... never taste as great the next day.. ya know...?
and yet here we almost have dessert before the entre... the sweetness of the morning before we even have the fun of the night... its completely awesome! and you know... i think it should be this sweet... even sweeter perhaps... and then in the morning it will still be sweet and everything will be close to perfect... ya know...? no horrid after tastes or nothing...
ooo chickky i really like this... its so... positive and happy and just makes me all yay for you! like! YAY! fully awesome chikka!
This is another good write from you. I like it because it can't be understood at face value. I also liked the line "you're my blackberry jelly, in the evening" because it could mean ANYTHING but its meant to be about someone, that much can be distinguished, but its still quite random and somewhat innocent.
You get random inspiration like that? If I eat anything, I won't be thinking of writing, lol. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this, even if some of it wasn't completely obvious, it gives the brain something to think about. Nice work. -james
Well, this is really sweet and romantic. I'll take sweet lovin' any time of the day. I think the repetition works well here too. Geez, I can't think of a lot to say, but I really like this. Good job, Amy
Wow thats some good stuff right there. Makes me wish I had a girl writing poetry like this about me. Plus who doesn't like breakfast for dinner every once in a while. As for what solemnpen said about your repitition, it sounded to me like you were pleasantly surprised by the irony in that moment. Also if you were writing about love, then I totally agree that it can be like blackberry jelly and I dont see how that line couldn't fit in. I like how original your writing is it makes me happy, its refreshing to read something that seems as though it is coming straight from the author when alot of people write so impersonally using other peoples words.