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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Anonymous Confidencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: daniel05
    ASL Info:    16/male/LA
    Elite Ratio:    6.11 - 92/52/7
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 845
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 550



    Description:
       Of only being here one day, I've noticed certain things in the shoutbox, that i found amusing... such as the ability to come in as a guest and do as you please.... what pity i have for these fools


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnonymous Confidencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The excitement to have the fortune,
    to dip into my world, to get a hint
    Of why we write and say the things we do,
    on why we are so hellbent:

    On expressing with words, true feelings,
    the ability to throw my thoughts to you
    The excitement of being unknown,
    while the mockery continues, about what we do

    To be able to express true thoughts,
    that, otherwise, would never come out
    Under the darkness of being a guest,
    can they truly say, what they want, out loud




    Submitted on 2005-08-04 19:07:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This isnt a bad poem. I like that you have spoken your mind about your observations. That is not a bad thing. I never really understood the shout box either. I have been there to observe and feel to each his own. I guess if it makes you feel better then all the power to ya. I wouldn't say I pity them though. But anyway, this is a good expression of your feelings and that is why we are here! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-10-29 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      That's cool. I guess that true, but at the same time not. B/c your a guest and no one know you but no one knows as a member either. It's a comp. So I guess in a sense all internet users have anonyomous confidence.
    | Posted on 2005-09-08 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]
      being anonymous does help to let out secrets. It's like you dont know anyone at all but you will tell them about yourself. The kind of things you would not tell people you know.
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey!
    First post, not bad! A poem inspired by looking at the Shoutbox... haha that must be a first.

    Well.. can't say I really liked this. First off your periods seem to be in very awkward places. It's as if you put them there simply because you felt there had to be some sort of punctuation at the end of every line. But the punctuation isn't good for this particular piece...

    You seem to follow strict rules of a standard poem when it comes to rhyme, meter, and grammar. That isn't always necessary- break free!

    There is a hint of arrogance to this piece- I guess it fits your title well. For example, you describe the ability to dip into your world as a fortune.

    'while the mockery continues, about what we do.' <- this line, the comma in the middle seems to disrupt flow, and grammatically it is also unnecessary, unless you specifically want the reader to pause there while reading.

    I guess I like your last stanza the best. One thing...
    'can they truly say, what they want, outloud.'
    I think it should be aloud or out loud. Outloud isn't a word.

    -Farrah
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by babixpeaches | [ Reply to This ]
      ok i don't care on your puncutations... i mean i don't care about comma misppelled word and all that... yeah i liked it..geust actually get on my nerves cuz they just come in here to talk crap.. i liked it...


    my fav. stanz was

    On expressing with words, true feelings,
    the ability to throw my thoughts to you
    The excitement of being unknown,
    while the mockery continues, about what we do


    i only like being unknown in certian times... and i loved "the ability to throw my thoughts to you" when i read that i was like...hey that sounds like something i should of wrote... well welcome and nice poem
    kay
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by Kay | [ Reply to This ]
      Good, ironic, but good none the less. When people get caught up in the fine print, they don't see the big F'en missle ready to GW. i tend to do the same thing, bi$ch about others bi#ching, complain about complaining, etc. Rock on.
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by Apocrypha | [ Reply to This ]
      Very witty and intelligent poem you've got here. Makes so much sense and gives light on how people work. I'm loving this one.
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by Static | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting...a first post and it comes from the shoutbox. Personally ive never entered the shoutbox, never had the need to. This isnt bad. However i do agree with Farrah, punctuations arent needed in a piece like this. besides that this is interesting...a poem following this idea, thats the first. For that i smile for you:

    *grin*

    nice little first write.

    later days
    tracey

    ps welcome to the site and i hope you post more in the future.

    later days
    tracey
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]


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