Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: LASTdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 250
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 732
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1486



    Description:
       this is much longer then what i usaually right i get alot of comments saying my work is short so when i wrote this last night i figured id ppost it to see what you think it is in reference to a thought i was having having about my husband being hurt or killed at work it sounds awfull i know but he is a driller and hi job is bery dangerous he often comes home with a story of a coworker being injured thus making my mind wander


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots LASTdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I drove down the old dirt road
    Remembered that first night
    You said it was all you’d dreamed.
    I conjured up that vision
    Your arms heavy around me.
    I could sleep like that then
    Now it suffocates me
    In the midst of my memory something went wrong.
    Flashes of metal, the echo of the machine.
    The sun like always is blinding.
    I hear your voice thunder over the noise.
    And then his response .
    You step from the control panel
    To look to his direction
    It happens
    High above
    A snapping
    The sound is like an egg breaking
    Magnified though .
    He runs to you calm but trembling
    Phone in hand he dials 3 numbers
    It fades after that
    I realize the car has stopped
    I punch the gas aware of lights on in the trailer
    Heads tilted eyes peering through its windows .
    I squeal to a stop in our drive way .
    Heart pounding, hands sweaty.
    I tremble from somewhere inside
    My core shaken
    I want to run to you
    Have you make it stop
    Make the seen unseen.
    I know what you’d say though
    Another rampant illusion
    A product of witches blood
    And overreaction
    You’d hold me
    Then kiss my forehead on your way out .
    I wont be sleeping for sometime.
    What a gift
    What a curse
    Steals the time
    Makes the love hurt




    Submitted on 2005-08-04 19:47:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      how could people have looked at this and nto commented??, its really really.. strong.. quick rush of emotion.. one of the onlythat i've read taht i actually get really really into it and i didnt have to skim over it.. which is a good thing
    keep it up :)
    Danielle
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by sacred_tears | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    69330

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    untitled written by Chelebel
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Stretto written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry