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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Cherry Busteddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: daniel05
    ASL Info:    16/male/LA
    Elite Ratio:    6.11 - 92/52/7
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1722
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 677



    Description:
       This is a poem describing a rich boy finally coming face to face with a poor boys reality that he wont always get everything he wants.......his cherry was busted by a girl refusing his come on


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Cherry Busteddots
    -------------------------------------------


    The reality has set in
    The pain will now begin
    He has accepted it
    He will never get over it
    The girl blew it

    The first time..
    to feel despair
    to feel sadness
    to feel rage
    to turn the page
    and feel madness

    No longer is he confident
    He will never feel great
    His heart has finally
    recieved It's fate

    There will never be
    another surprise

    All memories of gettin
    what he wants have
    been erased
    He never knew of this phase

    Never knew his confidence,
    his cherry, would ever be busted




    Submitted on 2005-08-04 19:50:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i enjoyed it. i love the metaphor of the popped cherry and thought it was very effective. it really gets across the boys insecurities that he would completely lose his confidence from one rejection, and it shows the truth in human nature and how we focus on our failures and not our sucesses.

    ~smlaw
    | Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by smlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      Umm... let's see, I thought it was a confucing poem. If I hadnt read the description I wouldnt have known what the hell you were talkin bout. The flow was a little off, and the first thing I thought of when I read the title was way off from what the poem was really about.lol.
    | Posted on 2005-09-08 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]
      i aggree with Phonix...why compare to a cherry??

    i love cherrys they are sour and taste bitter and sweet... and i can think wrong so yeah i also aggree with Phoenix first sentence...ha...

    i liked it... and it was great to read

    my fav. stanza was


    All memories of gettin
    what he wants have
    been erased
    He never knew of this phase


    yeah i liked the way you wrote it...and this poem is true... it reminded me of a movie...Love Don't Cost a thing..or i think it was that movie..but i love this poem...
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by Kay | [ Reply to This ]
      you expressed a unique point that every one
    goes through even as old as I'am
    one ever forgets live one day at time don't be in a hurry to grow up enjoy your teens they only come once in life a time
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      hahaha...amusing. The whole cherry thing threw me off too! It's a common thing I see amongst my friends. Girl and boy alike. And in that light, I pity them. Such dorks for thinking they're immune to the bountiful opinions of this world.
    Teach 'em well.
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]
      I got a laugh out of this... I was lured by the title. This reminds me of the movie Pretty in Pink where there are all these rich kids trying to exploit each other. I guess this is a reminder that karma always slaps everyone around. xo lilham
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by pioneerheart | [ Reply to This ]
      To those who do not know of cherries...well they're usually used in reference for when a female has lost her virginity..."pop the cherry" something like that...so I think a cherry is a perfect comparison...and this was indeed quite humorous...well, because the end...everything but the one thing he can't buy...well, you can...but I mean...can't buy...you catch my drift...anyways, this was a nice laugh considering all the break-up poems i've seen thus far...
    nice one.
    -stacey-
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by idlewriter | [ Reply to This ]
      Again I like the idea of cherry busted, but the wording isn't what it could be. Its easy to get madness and sadness into a structure, etc. Aren't you angry when you can't get what you want? Wouldn't some spoiled little sh%t also? Disapointment is only half of the image. Keep up the good work and the comments. Rock on.
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by Apocrypha | [ Reply to This ]
      the cherry is a good meatphor but it already has such a strong conotatio with losing ones virginity that the confidence thing wuld nto have dawned upon me if i had not read your summary.

    this poem seems more liek a pile of ideas jotted down. like you're gettign everythign about hwo the boy is feleing onto the pge. howeer emtions alone do not make poetry. emotion is the soul of a poem but eveyrthing else is words and phrases and the pictures a poem paints. a poem is painting with words. this read more liek stage directions for an actor tyring to embody a charatcer emotionally, great direction but little else.

    also who says that the rich have evrything they want? a poor boy as you put it may be far more contented than a billionaires son.
    harri
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by harri | [ Reply to This ]
      hehe, well i have a dirty mind cuz i was thinkin... oh, that would be popped wouldn't it... anyway... *picks mind up out the gutter, blows on it*...

    i am curious. why compare his confidence to a cherry? i can think of other fruits... like some that are easily bruised that i might have picked, but i wonder why you specifically choose cherry. i think that you could probably go somewhere with this, but you should probably elaborate more (i hate doing this, i'm sorry). explain the exchange between the guy and the girl that "busted his cherry". maybe play off the emotions that he might have felt a little bit more. you can do so much more with this in my opinion. but that's only my opinion. otherwise, what you have is fine. oh, and welcome to the site. ...bb...

    XoXo
    ~Tayla~
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]


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