Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Doorway: Part 1dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ares_nuke_1
    Elite Ratio:    3.11 - 106/151/76
    Words: 1187
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 1189
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 6229



    Description:
       This is part 1 of another story i've been working on. Like the other stories i have written i will only continue to post them on this site as long as i know i have at least one reader interested in me continuing on. So her is chapter 1:The House on the hill. I hope you enjoy it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Doorway: Part 1dots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the small town of Rogers sits a small house. The house stands alone atop a hill of dirt. There is no driveway. In fact, it has not been occupied for over 200 years. It’s windows are shut to the outside world, and it’s doors are closed. No one ever goes in and nobody ever comes out. At least this is the story Danny tells his friends every time he walks by the house after school.
    Danny, unlike his friends, happens to be the more adventurous type. He was always interested in solving any problem that may present itself, and he knew in order to find out the truth and to prove himself to his friends, that he would have to get closer to the house. Maybe only to just peak into a window.
    “Come on guys let’s walk up there and get a look” Danny says.
    “And ruin these jeans? No way.” replies Amanda. Looking at her new pair of guess jeans.
    “I would love to Danny, I really would, but I got a game tomorrow, and I really got to get focused.” says Michael.
    “Look it’s only gonna take a second. I’m just going to walk up there and take a look. Seeing how you guys are too scared…”
    “I’m not scared of anything” says Michael cutting off Danny mid sentence. Danny smiled for he knew that the bait was good. Plus the place on the hill really gave him the creeps. He wanted someone there just in case something went wrong.
    “Well come on then, let’s go.”
    “Well I guess I’ll just sit here and wait for you guys.” says Amanda.
    “Hey Amanda do you mind watching our stuff for a sec?”
    “Sure why not.”
    Danny and Michael took off there backpacks and began walking up the hill. They get halfway up before either of them say a word. Michael breaks the silence. “You got a thing for Amanda?”
    “It’s not like that. We’re good friends. I’ve known her since we were kids.”
    “Well I think she’s a hottie man. I mean just look at her.”
    “I know what she looks like man I’m not blind. It’s just that….”
    “It’s just what?”
    “It’s just that she’s out of my league.”
    “Are you serious. Look she wouldn’t be around you all the damn time if she didn’t like you. I mean shit Dan she’s over at your house all the time. How can you live with yourself?”
    “She’s my friend Mike.”
    “Well then do you mind me going after her?”
    “You don’t have to ask me for permission.”
    It was then that they reached the top of the hill. Before them was a water fountain that had begun to collect rust and gather various leaves. A narrow pebble stone walkway circled around the fountain and created a path that led to what appeared to be the front door to the house. “Well?”
    “Well what? We’re up here already. We might as well knock on the door and see if anybody’s home.”
    “OK…OK…”
    They walk down the pebble stone pathway slowly, while looking on both sides of the path. To the right lies a dead vegetable garden and to the left there’s an old tire swing attached to a dying oak tree.
    When they reach the front door it’s Danny who knocks on the door.
    “What no doorbell or fancy metal knocker thing?”
    “I guess not.”
    A few moments pass and not even a sound is heard from inside the house.
    “I guess you were right Dan” With that Mike turns on his heel and walks away. Danny stays at the door a few moments before deciding to follow. They head back down the path towards the fountain, and Danny looks back. Danny stops in his tracks and grabs Mike’s arm. Mike turns and looks to see what Danny is looking at. In one of the windows on the second floor is a girl’s face.
    “Do you see that?”
    “See what?”
    “The girl in the window.”
    “Which window?”
    “That window…..” Danny looks back at the window and sees nothing. “There was a little girl there a minute ago I swear.”
    “Alright buddy sure. There’s nobody in that house. We already proved that.”
    “I’m just saying that I saw a little girl in the window.”
    “You seriously need help bro.” With that Mike walks back down the hill with Danny trailing behind him.
    When they reach the bottom they are greeted with the hostile look of a mad woman. “What the hell took you guys so long?! I’ve been waiting here for over an hour.
    “What are you talking about we were only up there for a minute or two.”
    “I saw you guys go into the house and just now you guys came out of the house and came back here. “
    “Look Amanda. We never went into the house we just went up to the front door.”
    “Yeah and then the girl answered the door and let you in.”
    “What girl.”
    “I told you I saw a girl in the house.”
    “So you did go into the house then.”
    “WE DIDN’T GO INTO THE HOUSE!”
    “But Danny just said that he was inside with the girl.”
    “No. What I said was that I saw a girl inside the house. When we were walking back down here I turned back and saw a girl in the window.
    “Alright here’s what happened. We went up to the house knocked on the door. Heard nothing. Then turned around and walked back here. There was no girl in the window, and there sure as hell was no girl that answered the door and gave us a tour of the house. We never took a step inside the house, and If you wouldn’t mind I would like to go home now and get some sleep.”
    “Well maybe I was just seeing things…I mean it is kind of hard to see what’s going on up there from down here.”
    “Come on Amanda don’t you think it strange that we both saw a girl and Mike saw nothing.”
    “I don’t know what I saw, but I know that it’s getting late and I want to go home.”
    “Come on bro the house ain’t going to go anywhere between now and tomorrow.”
    “Alright.” With that Danny grabbed his backpack, flung it over his shoulder, and walked home, never once taking a glance back at the house. Danny knew what he saw. There was a girl in the window. Who is she? Where did she come from? Why does she live in that house? These were the questions Danny was asking himself. The answers he knew he would have to find out on his own.




    Submitted on 2005-08-05 12:00:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oh.My.God. you remind me of the kids at my school. "YO, BRO..."...apart from that :] i think the whole introduction to danny was so sudden. its a known fact that readers become more involved when characters are shown from bits, not wholes. what you did here was basically..lets say you just drew a flower and showed it to us, instead of drawing and showing us petal by petal. no spelling mistakes...would it be a stupid thing to assume..you used word. so far, to say the truth, im waiting for the next installment.
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]
      haha this was very good! im also reminded of what guys at school are like when they say "yo bro!" lol. i think the introduction was ok. maybe you should describe danny. like what are his features??? is a he a blonde or brunette? are his eyes blue, green or brown? those kind of things would help too. and descriptions of the others would be good too. because we really dont know that about the characters and it would help us get into the story too. but otherwise i thought this was really good. so just work on describing the characters a bit and im going to keep an eye out for the next part/chapter.

    brenna
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    69407

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry