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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Satan's Succubusdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PsychoBabble214
    ASL Info:    18/female
    Elite Ratio:    4.52 - 103/109/29
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 856
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 917



    Description:
       well, just tell me what you think i guess. My girlfriend say said she wasnt so sure about the last stanza, so give me your thoughts on that...but other then that... just, whatever. ^_^


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSatan's Succubusdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I thought my savior was born
    But she was a devil in disguise
    A snake with a candy coated shell
    Sent from hell to see my demise

    her body is corruption
    but she kept me wanting more
    and now-contamination
    leaving my body useless and sore

    her poison rots me from inside out
    see my flesh melt away
    hear the dull sound as it meets ground
    she kneels down, molding my flesh as clay

    blackness hits my vision
    time passes as eternity
    i wake in front of a mirror
    staring into the eyes of a new me

    the snake slithers behind me
    once again in her shell
    her tongue flicks my ear
    she took my body, what else is left to sell?

    She speaks of my soul
    and it comes out as a hiss
    turning my face to hers
    she strikes for her Kiss.




    Submitted on 2005-08-05 14:05:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i think the last stanza is fine. especially the last line, because it makes me think of the kiss of death. so i wouldn't change it at all.

    this was a very interesting piece. i like the second stanza:

    "her body is corruption
    but she kept me wanting more
    and now-contamination
    leaving my body useless and sore"

    it's kind of on that whole you know something is bad for you, but it feels so good, so right and you just don't wanna let go of it. think a lot of people can relate to that. i love the title as well, i think it pretty much sums up the content of the poem (even though you make no direct reference to satan). all in all, this was great. good job. ...bb...

    XoXo
    ~Tayla~
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]


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