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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hold My Secrets, Little Treedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ChaosSubmission
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 18/30/8
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 820
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 531



    Description:
       Just...whatever you think.


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    dotsHold My Secrets, Little Treedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Listen to me
    When I'm down
    Hold my secrets
    And make no sound
    Your green leaves are soothing to my eyes
    They fade every winter and die
    Yet they grow back again
    Waiting for me
    Fresh and new
    Empty and ready
    To hold my life once again
    Contain my secrets and thoughts
    Bury them
    Sink into the ground
    They won't be forgotten
    Save my memory
    For a century
    And when they cut you down
    You may rest in peace




    Submitted on 2005-08-05 22:20:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Oh Yes, this is a good direct piece. Everything you stated is so wonderfully put. I love nature poems and this one is a good nature piece.
    Your flow is a real good piece of work. Keep it coming. Good Write! wanda
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very cute poem. I really like it. Sort of bittersweet in the end. You're a talented writer, I look forward to reading more of your work.
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by usemeover | [ Reply to This ]
      Very interesting piece...its an optimistic write...I loved its element of peace ...I felt so comforted when I was reading this one...Its a beautiful write.My favourite verse"Your green leaves are soothing to my eyes
    They fade every winter and die
    Yet they grow back again".However I enjoyed the entire poem...It is utterly moving.Thanks for sharing
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the concept of this, with the tree holding your secrets [kind of like Silverstein's The Giving Tree], but I think you could make it flow a little better. Some lines are too long, and the rhymes are a bit forced. You might consider rewriting this as free verse; I think that would help a lot.

    Peace,

    Joey
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a nice poem! It just gave me a sort of warm feeling reading this. It some how reminds me of one of my favorite places to go and sit and think and it is in fact underneath this huge pine tree in the woods. It is great there too cause there are lots of leaves on the ground from the oak trees but then in the middle of this there is this perfect carpet of pine needles all on the ground around and under this tree and it is soft and nice to sit on! You brought me there with this writing and I too, have "a little tree" it just isnt so little! Really good poem!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very cute piece. The only one I've read today that actually makes COMPLETE sense...thank god! Anywho, I really like how you used the concept of a tree holding all your secrets. I don't have that great of an imagination so I give you props for this one. You're a talented writer, keep it up.
    Take care,
    ~steph
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by HurtDeepDown | [ Reply to This ]
      its true what steph* had said-u hav quite a imagination to write abt secrets and relating it to some thing as simpal as a tree!
    very cute!
    love ur work,keep it up!
    >Sharu<
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by sharu | [ Reply to This ]


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