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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sinkingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ChaosSubmission
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 18/30/8
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 534
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 919



    Description:
       Whatever you think. I wrote this a long time ago when i was in my teenage depression where i thought there was nothing to live for, therefore, suicide attempts followed. But after a while, one of my friends came for a sleep over and we talked about everything. This became my first attempt at "happy poetry" so forgive me if it's sappy. I actually don't believe in angels or god or things like that, i believe in a higher power but that's beyond the point, just tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSinkingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sinking deeper into the sand
    Wondering if I will ever get out
    It is lonely down here

    Can someone hear me?
    Can someone pull me out?

    I distance myself from my right mind
    Determined to break free

    I dig and spread the sand away
    But more moves in it's place

    I give up and start to suffocate
    I have tried my hardest to live

    I drift to unconciousness
    It's so quiet

    I see a light and hear encouraging words
    "You'll be ok" says the voice

    It's like an angel
    This angel pulls me out

    All of a sudden I can breathe once more
    This angel saved me

    Happy I am to be here now
    Looking at this angel

    This angel has been here for me forever
    This angel will never fade




    Submitted on 2005-08-05 22:41:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this one a lot. I like the beginning more so than the end, however. I did like how you compared the sinking feeling you get when you're depressed to sinking into sand. You had a very accurate portrayal of tying to get out of depression and having the sand fall back in. Good job.
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by usemeover | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this an inspiring piece...I loved the way you drive us through all the phases of this individual, like what they have encountered ..only to be rescued and comforted from this hurdle...Its an optimistic piece...I loved it...Thank you for sharing...A beautiful write!Kind Thoughts: Be happy Nobantu
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem! I think this is the one you had mentioned to me in your comment about my writing! You did a good job with expressing your feelings and desperation! I can feel the sense of urgency within each line! And it starts out sad and distressed but then your angel saves you. This must be a very good dear friend and I am glad to hear from the description that those days are behind you! Life is always worth living regardless of how bad things seem at the time. Life is constantly changing and as time passes and you look back on things, they are never as bad as they seemed at the time! Good poem! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really nice: i liked the flow of it most of all, and the wording in parts like;
    "It is lonely down here

    Can someone hear me?
    Can someone pull me out?"
    They're simple, but I'm getting the feeling from your poem that depression is something dangerously simple, and this is really a nice thing to read.
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by writhe | [ Reply to This ]
      I can see how you would use an angel as the savior or at least the comparison. But this is your poem and it should be according to you so if you do not believe in angels why would you incorporate one into the poem. I think it would be very great to see this work done a little differently. You know just to see what it would be like without the angels. But this is just my opinion.
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by SonAsylum | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting. I like it. I've been through it. I have some angels of my own. But everyone goes through it, believe it or not. This poem is the perfect example of what teens go through day in and day out. You did a wonderful job and I'd like to critisize it, but I can't. I have nothing negative to say about it.
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by HeavensDeceit | [ Reply to This ]


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