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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ibelikeso
    ASL Info:    27/M/FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.99 - 119/106/24
    Words: 364
    Class/Type: Story/
    Total Views: 1020
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1762



    Description:
        what i was and what i have become.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMandots
    -------------------------------------------


    I feel as a boy that has been put to the trial of pushing a rock with all his might. So I make my stance and push with all my strength. Completely focused on the moment. The energy that is being put out by my body, my mind and all of my self. All of this, just to realize that the rock, the world, the trials, stand as if I had not put any effort into it. The sun rises and sets. The night passes as I rest, exhausted from a day in which I have failed to meet my task. Morning comes, I step to the place where the marks of my feet are from the previous day. I stand before the rock and I continue to push harder and harder. The heat builds up all over my body. The discomfort in my arms and legs build up more and more. My mind losing focus on the task. Yet I continue to push. Trying to move the weight of the rock. the minutes pass, then hours, and before I know it the day is now gone. As my body aches, I lean against the rock and fall to the ground. Attempting to catch my breath and regain some strength to carry on. Everything goes dark.
    Day after day, I strive to be succesfull in my attemp to overcome this trial. Such a long time that I lose track of how long I have been there. Weeks, months, maybe years. My body has started to change form, adjusting to the trial. My arms have grown thicker. Broader shoulders and thighs that are ripped from every fiber that is put to the fiery trial. Its not until I have fully understood, the rock is not meant to be moved. The world and trials are not made to be changed, nor to be made easier. But to make me better, stronger, smarter, and to bring out the full potential that has been put in me as a boy. Now I stand firm, as a man of God is supposed to be. I have stood my ground, firm as a rock.




    Submitted on 2005-08-06 07:41:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      It seems I have heard of something quite like this before, perhaps because it is so much the ageless wisdom parable kind of thing. You have a nice take on it here.
    | Posted on 2011-12-01 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi ibelikeso:

    Just wonderful! I applaud and praise God. He has filled you with wisdom as a young man leading to a man.

    My system of commenting begins:

    1. Be honest.

    Honestly, I love the format you have chosen for this write very personal and as if you were talking to the reader in letter form.

    2. Try not to give only compliments.

    As I have siad before, compliments are inevitable especially when the write wakes up emotions welling inside.

    3. How did it make you feel?

    I was drawn to read more. At first, I saw words jumbled into a block and this piqued my interest. I started to think let me read the rambling...when I began I could not stop reading. Great job in reeling the reader into your work.

    4. Why did it make you feel that way?

    Obstacles are always sought to be removed or be made to disappear. When in all reality we must rise above them and surpass them on our journey through. If you tell that rock to move in shall move. Most of the time, we seek to resolve things with our own strength and all we need to truly do is surrender to God.

    5. Which parts?

    Every part struck me.

    6. What distracted from the piece?

    None. I was attracted by the form.

    7. What was unclear?

    All was clear.

    8. What does it remind you of?

    Myself. Trying to achieve and seeming as if I am going nowhere quickly. Pushing, kicking, struggling and all the while God is grinning saying surrender all to me.

    9. How could it be improved?

    No improvements.

    10. What would you have done differently?

    Nothing. It speaks very well for itself.

    11. What was your interpretation of it?

    Don't push, don't quit...just surrender all to God.

    12. Does it feel original?

    Yes, it was very original.

    Ibelikeso, this was absolutely awesome.

    Love Saby~*~
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by CaramelCandy | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this is one of the best proses i've read...this is great, reminds me of an indian story w/ a lesson...of course it has a lesson...I have nothing to say, but I loved it...it was perfect...the rock, the trial, the lesson and strength that you possess when you have learned your lesson...the wisdom you obtain, patience...this is great (did I say that already, sorry)
    okay, so all i can say is I have to put this in my favs...it's a beautiful write.
    -stacey-
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by idlewriter | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this piece one because it sort of references to a greek figure...is it Atlas? no its someone else forced to push a boulder up the hill and once done it rolls down, the next day he is forced to continue...no that is not Atlas. now that will stick with me. anyways this is quite an enjoyable read. the fact that when you began to try and move the rock you thought your duty was to actually move, but as you grew older you found out it was not the rock that needed to be moved. in order to overcome your obstacle you have to improve your strength in mind and body...bravo write. i like how you refer yourself to the rock you have tried to push for so long. this is absolutely good. your title is perfect. only can you call yourself a man when you have defeated the trial that is before you as a boy. in your case to see past the rock and know its true purpose. bravo again.

    later days
    tracey
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so full of wisdom... the above comments relate this to indian wisdom writings or greek mythology which are pretty hardout comparisons...
    when i read it i think of Solomon and his proverbs and im sure somehow you could almost compact all this down into two lines and slide it into proverbs and no one would notice its NOT solomons... it is very full of wisdom and self reflection... its important to be able to be with yourself... i mean like... to be aware of yourself... where youve come from what you are what you want... that kinda thing... not in a selfish way but in a means to grow yourself... am i making sense...?

    i really like the idea (as ive already told you) that the rock is unmoveable and is not meant to be moved... thats not why its there... it is there to strengthen you and while you are trying to move it it is not all in vain coz it is strengthening you and while you are slowly coming to the realisation that this is not the way to get around the rock you recognize another way...

    ha! im making no sense... if only i were wise LOL! anyways... im glad you posted this as more than a journal entry... take care of you!
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    69513

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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