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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tearing me apartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: musclebound350
    ASL Info:    26/male
    Elite Ratio:    4.87 - 197/202/70
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1326
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 869



    Description:
       first post in about a month. First depressed poem in months I've posted. Dont even know why I'm posting no one comments.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTearing me apartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I remember the day that we first met
    I think about the things you said
    I cant stop thinking about you
    I cant get you out of my head

    Time goes by and Im all alone
    Waiting for someone to call
    I just don't know what to do
    Why must I crumble and fall?

    When you left me alone
    I didn't want to believe
    You weren't coming back
    I just want to love you baby

    Now I met someone else
    But they don't compare to you
    I still wish we were together
    I promise I will never leave you

    Days go by
    Turning into weeks
    I'm losing my mind
    I cant stand on my feet

    I remember when I was happy
    All the things you said to me
    Then you decided to leave
    With no reason for me




    Submitted on 2005-08-06 19:58:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is definitely a very sad and depressed poem. You portray that wonderfully within this poem. Love is so hard and tedious that sometimes it just doesnt seem worth all the effort especially when you end up with heartbreak and sadness. And definitely not worth it when someone leaves without even as much as an explanation. But on a brighter note, you cant find the love of your life without tripping over a few mistakes along the way! This is a nicely written heartfelt sad poem and hope you have found someone more worthy of your affection since you wrote this one! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      this is indeed a sad poem. the fact you turn to another woman hoping to find something better and yet you compare her to your old love...that is sad. i wonder how the other woman feels. yep! i have stumbled across another unrequited love poem...this time doubled. for the male speaker his last love no longer returns her love for him; and for the woman she is truly not loved by the the male speaker...twisted and surprising. First of all I think your title is mispelled...tearing instead of taring-unless you are refering to tar as the sticky black substance. Second ive never been in love so to try and sympathize or anaylize something such as this would be impossible for me. so I will leave my comment with five words...best of luck to you.

    later days
    tracey
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]
      aw, this was so sad. i'm actually wondering how both women must feel though. the one that you replaced, how she felt when she left you, why she left, if she would come back, etc. the one that you replaced her with, if she knows that she doesn't compare to the ex, if she cares, if it matters and all that jazz. questions i'm sure you probably wish you had the answers to but don't. ugh, i'm sorry, sometimes i type faster than i think. well, i hope things get better for your friend. don't worry, things will get better with time. ...bb...

    XoXo
    ~Tayla~
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good. Love can do this to people... Losing will and confidence that is...It hurts, and i am familiar with the feeling...

    This semes to have ended a bit short...It may be the last lines that give it that appearance. It flows well, the rhyming pattern is lost as it goes on...but if you weren't intentionally rhyming, then it doesn't really matter.

    I have been in this type of situation before, and if this is relavant to you now, i would drop this other girl and try to fix what went wrong with the one you truly love. I did that in my situation, and my girlfriend and I are back togther. So yea, that is what i suggest you do in this situation, it may be hard...hell knows it was hard for me...but you should do it.

    Well, good luck with this, and keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, you've commented on at least five of MY poems, so I thought I might as well comment on yours, since my percentage is only, like, 65%!

    Well, I've gotta be nitpicky with the title- you spelled 'tearing' 'taring'. Okay, done with the little annoying tidbits, and now to the real poem- you've picked a pretty cliché topic. Practically everyone writes about this- haha, me too, I'll admit. And I know I'm gonna be a bit harsh, but sorry, that's the way I work, I don't like it when people just tell me my work is great, and only leave a few sentences, especially when that certain poem sucked. So I TRY to take the time to write something about each one that I comment on- and I agree with phoenix 2004, it was a bit short. The last stanza sort of ruined the mood- I dunno how, but it just did. Maybe it was repeating 'lost' two lines in a row, or maybe that it was just shorter than the other lines. Once again, I don't know, but if this was just a vent, I understand, it doesn't have to be perfect- in fact, most 'imperfect' or whatever poems are the most touching of all. But do try to write something on a different sort of topic- but I should talk, all I write is love and dark stuff. Ehh. But it wasn't bad, I'll give you that. It just doesn't stand out.

    -T o x i c R o s e
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, you've commented on at least five of MY poems, so I thought I might as well comment on yours, since my percentage is only, like, 65%!

    Well, I've gotta be nitpicky with the title- you spelled 'tearing' 'taring'. Okay, done with the little annoying tidbits, and now to the real poem- you've picked a pretty cliché topic. Practically everyone writes about this- haha, me too, I'll admit. And I know I'm gonna be a bit harsh, but sorry, that's the way I work, I don't like it when people just tell me my work is great, and only leave a few sentences, especially when that certain poem sucked. So I TRY to take the time to write something about each one that I comment on- and I agree with phoenix 2004, it was a bit short. The last stanza sort of ruined the mood- I dunno how, but it just did. Maybe it was repeating 'lost' two lines in a row, or maybe that it was just shorter than the other lines. Once again, I don't know, but if this was just a vent, I understand, it doesn't have to be perfect- in fact, most 'imperfect' or whatever poems are the most touching of all. But do try to write something on a different sort of topic- but I should talk, all I write is love and dark stuff. Ehh. But it wasn't bad, I'll give you that. It just doesn't stand out.

    -T o x i c R o s e
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      i enjoyed the thought you had when writing this, but i didnt like the inconsistent rhyme that was involved.. tearing somebody apart is a deep way to put someone leaving, then wanting them back, then finding someone else, then wanting them back again.. did that make any sense?? well no it didnt, and that is the topics you covered in this write.. without ellaboration you leave people with blank minds, or them making carless assumptions and get the wrong ideas.. just keep that in mind...
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by daniel05 | [ Reply to This ]


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