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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the things you think aboutdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: andnow
    ASL Info:    19.f.wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.57 - 136/135/42
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 743
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1036



    Description:
       life


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe things you think aboutdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Itís the things you think about
    when you lie in the grass
    of your backyard,
    on a clear, dark night.
    You close your eyes,
    and you can hear the
    songs of the crickets
    and gentle rustle of the
    wind through the leaves.
    You slowly inhale,
    and you can smell the
    freshness of earth.
    You can feel the
    crisp, cool air
    enter your lungs.

    You reopen your eyes,
    and the stars are endless.
    The moon is shining purity.
    And you let your mind
    wander where you
    donít want it to go.
    The vast sky
    provokes a feeling
    of insignificance.
    You ponder the
    meaning of life.
    Contemplating your role
    in the lives of others.
    What true connections,
    lasting impressions,
    differences made,
    and your whole
    effects on this world.

    You smile softly.
    Sweetly.
    And you realize,
    life is beautiful.




    Submitted on 2005-08-07 03:14:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I like it, as with most all you poetry.

    However, in the first stanza, I noticed the following:

    "Itís the things you think about
    when you lie in the grass
    of your backyard,
    on a clear, dark night"

    the comma, after "backyard" is unnecessary.

    A small tick, but each tick has its effect. Be careful of them.

    And later, I noticed this, and a whole slew of other fragmented sentances:

    "Contemplating your role
    in the lives of others."

    Try and have each sentance carry a complete idea.

    Granted, in poetry there is some room in this area, and the rules of writing in general, but try to adhere completely, before you start being too creative and outlandish with it.

    It's best to know the rules before you break them.

    This section in particular seemed awkward to me:

    "What true connections,
    lasting impressions,
    differences made,
    and your whole
    effects on this world."

    On the whole however, I enjoyed this piece, despite the minor things I noticed.

    Keep writing, keep improving.

    <3

    ~KRG
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by Sheakhan | [ Reply to This ]
      aww this is such a happy poem, and we all can so relate!! you wrote down exactly what all of us have felt at some point in time so precisely, i could practically smell the grass. nice job
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by onepieces | [ Reply to This ]
      this is good.. and in my happier times, true.. i loved laying in the grass on a clear night just thinking about the imponderables.. good write.. i really like it.. i'm glad someone has had that joy aslo :)
    danielle
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by sacred_tears | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this piece. I love doing just that when I go out to the country sometimes. I think you made realize I take those moments for granted now. I think you did a great job with this. Is was a great reading experience for me. Great job.
    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      This actually just brought me out of a sad little rut. Its just like this times in your life, where you feel infinate. Where nothing can harm you, and no one can take it away. "Contemplating your role
    in the lives of others.
    What true connections,
    lasting impressions,
    differences made,
    and your whole
    effects on this world." Which no one can ever take away...brilliantly put.
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by Afireinside2187 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,this is so true! Everyone ought to lie down and look at the stars at least once a month. Then people'd forget about their problems and realize how magnificent God is. And maybe, just maybe, they'd stop living for the petty things in life!
    Very sweet and nice poem. :)
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    69622

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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