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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: On Quicksilver Legsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 902
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 581



    Description:
       Ok, this happened years ago, but I cut my hand (like a papercut) this morning, and it made me think of the older incident.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOn Quicksilver Legsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The massive butcher knife
    slipped through my right hand
    as I removed it
    from the dishwasher.
    My daredevil blood cells jumped
    from the gaping gash
    to the dingy linoleum
    scampering
    on quicksilver legs
    until they convened at my feet.

    I stood transfixed
    as if I were being worshipped
    by a mass of tiny scarlet beings
    until you entered,
    and I dashed for the sponge mop
    spending the rest of the day
    trying to convince you of the sanity
    I doubt myself.




    Submitted on 2005-08-07 07:45:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      My left thumb (which bears the scar of eleven stitches due to a failed bagel slicing attempt) was twitching anxiously while reading this.

    The title is great, and I like the transition at the end (especially because "I can relate"). The only small nitpickish thing I wondered about is whether or not the uncapitalized i in the second line of the second stanza was intentional. Well, that and whatexactlygotcutwhere in the first stanza.

    But I definitely like the simplicity of the event, as well as the imagery throughout and that added touch of difficult emotions at the end.

    --Jasmine
    | Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by bitterlily | [ Reply to This ]
      wow i love the change of this i mean the start as a story and then becoming darker and darker i love it .. this was an excellent one and well just tell you that keep on writing and please if you have time check out my stuff..
    peace and love!
    and take care!
    Victor!
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      The battle with sanity can make you crazy at times.

    First, I hope you are OK from the wound. Secondly, I enjoyed the journey and description.

    Poetically, I think I'd like some punctuation, but that is likely just me.
    Also just my vision of it but you might look at breaking the verse between these two lines.

    until they convened at my feet

    I stood transfixed

    This spot appears to be a transition.

    Thanks for sharing this.
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      I dont care for this one at all. It doesnt flow much at all, you're describing an accident that has little relation to anything of sanity, I didnt think someone could make a poem from random incidents such as this, but I was wrong. Second I do see where the title has anything to do with the poem what so ever, for you dont go into depth what the term of Quicksilver Legs means to you. It could use a lot of revision, more detail. Longer and more depth into the thoughts inside of your head before and after this had happened. Well have a good one.

    -Cynyster Cyanide-
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by Black-Wall | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this poem, the way you've turned a fairly plain and ordainary incident into something far greater with the use of some wonderfully inventive imagery.

    The personification of the blood is such childlike imagination which in an adult is often seen as insanity because they fail to see the world in a logical way, that blood is just blood. This makes the ending all the better, after the insane surrealness of the start the person then trying to convince someone else of their sanity is a nice twist.

    Overall an interesting and original piece.
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know why, but this was short, sweet and to the point and I really liked it. Very visual
    "my daredevil blood cells jumped
    from the gaping gash
    to the dingy linoleum
    scampering
    on quicksilver legs
    until they convened at my feet"
    And I just loved those lines - something, I can't understand why, but they just jumped at me
    Nice piece,
    Lisa ~Ravenwolf
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      OK, I agree that the blood cells are daredevils, I think suicidal cans jump off the shelves in grocery stores, I can almost recall their screams as I notice them lying in the aisles.

    I love your creative spirit Amy a simple cut and you've led us on a roll and we've found out something of your inner self too.
    Please don't convice me of your sanity, mine is delicately outstretched too, breaking boundaries, looking for a new ways to express the ordinary. Very well written, thanks dear one for sharing,
    love and hugs,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this. It has meaning and it's simple. The descriptions help make the piece. I like the "scarlet being" reference too. It is funny how we try to please other people and convince them it was innocent when the times it wasn't they don't even care. I really like this. Great piece. Sorry this comment isn't very good. Hugs!
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      how very odd and original. I should know better than to not expect this when reading your work.

    not sure what to say of it other than that. It is amusing in that your friend is questioning your sanity, but really, don't we all have these crazy things running around in our head. It's just kinda rare to be discovered while pondering one.

    Great stuff Amy. Glad you're writing again.
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      No one I know can make a cut seem interesting to me,because my knees go weak when I see blood. But this is the exception. I love the 'daredevil blood cells' worshipping you, that 'mass of tiny scarlet beings'. And the last bit about trying to convince the other person of your sanity. It's very well done.
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      First off thank you for your comments on "Seasons" I will correct autumn. I am also glad that you misspelled it in your comment too:) Thanks> As for this piece it is riveting. I glanced at first and got pulled right in . I do not critique due to the fact that i believe poetry is a personal expression and is for us to be satisfied with. I like this very much. I found my self looking up to see who i may be worshiping. Thanks again JON
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by poppa jon | [ Reply to This ]
      have you seen the commercial where the guy is cooking dinner for his girlfriend and the cat knocks over the spaghetti sauce and the guy still has a knife in his hand from chopping onions or whatever and grabs the cat up by the nape of her neck so she won't track the sauce she just spilled and then the girlfriend opens the door and sees him holding the cat in one hand and the large knife in the other? that's what your poem reminded me of, lol. it's like getting caught doing something strange and you don't know quite how to react when someone actually sees it. great moment you captured here. and a good poem too!
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Unique, unusual, different, and kind of scary all rolled into one great story/poem. Extremely imaginative in concept. I see you march to a different drummer as pretty much all of us do. Enjoyable throughout.

    trying to convince you of the sanity
    I doubt myself

    Oh definately, I can relate to that. Great write.
    Carol
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, you have taken an ordinary event that has at one time happened to all of us, and turned it into a nice piece of poetry.

    I can see how you would be transfixed with the sight of your own life force flowing onto the lenolium, and then question your own sanity. I have done the same thing.

    This was definately a different kind of write, but interesting all the same.

    Brightest Blessings,
    Crystal
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh wow again..woman why are you not getting yourself out there with publishers. I love your poetry it tranfixes me in a momentary sharing of your imagination and I love it. You held me suspended in your words. I loved the imagery and the title works well.

    From one crazylady to another...hugs
    Kate
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      I liek this, though I think you should consodliate the lines. But that's your choice. It's a great take on an everyday (well, hopefully not EVERY day) event. Nice piece. Sorry about the cold BTW; hope you feel better soon.

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      This started off being a great story and turned into a rather dark one. I took it as thoug your ending meant that you were doubtful of your own sanity. If so, I feel you. Accidents like that can really scare the crapola out of you. I remember dropping a pair of scizzors and they went into my foot...bloooood everywhere. I almost passed out! LOL

    This was a great read.

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


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