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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love is A Gamedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DanceADream
    ASL Info:    16 f canada
    Elite Ratio:    5.05 - 205/153/29
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 852
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 563



    Description:
       again, no real heart break in my life just some where i can sort of put myself.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove is A Gamedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Love can be a bitter thing
    Or sweeter than a rose.
    It`s all upon the cards you play
    And this is how it goes:

    He was holding all the cards
    And was eager to play;
    But a sudden shift in luck
    Turned him on his way.

    He took but one thing with him,
    All the hearts in the deck;
    So I may not love again
    38 cards are left to wreck.

    38 cards that mean nothing,
    The price of the game was high.
    With 38 I know I`ve lost
    My heart will slowly die.




    Submitted on 2005-08-08 10:19:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      sort of an overused concept or metaphor but a unique way of conveying it. I didn't expect the taking of the hearts and the 38 cards left. I thought that was interesting.

    the rhythm is off in the 3rd verse and there are a couple of typos, but those are minor, correctable things.

    'Love can be a bitter thing
    Or sweeter then a rose.
    It`s all upon the cards you play
    And this is how I goes:'

    it should be 'than a rose' and I think you meant, 'and this is how it goes' (or maybe you didn't!)

    anyway, it's not bad and with a little revision you could have a nice little poem here.
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was the first poem that I've read that has spoken about love using a card game. Overall I really enjoyed this piece. Your rhyming worked pretty well, but some of the syllable counts in the lines made it a little difficult to read in my head. I think the last comment you received talked about the rhythm being a little off in the third verse. One suggestion I would make would be to place the word "yet" in between the words 'not' and 'yet' in the third line of the third verse. It's completely up to you. I think it sounds fine without it. Other than that, good writing.
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by Ravenwood | [ Reply to This ]
      This is interesting to read. Original too, in the way you used the cards.. the hearts.. and the 38 left (with no heart).

    And it's true.. that is the way it feels when you've been left alone.. it's as if the other did in fact take your heart.

    Yet time changes all of that.. thank goodness...and life goes on....and we love again.

    A very nice write!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this poem... serisouly iy has all that a good story would need... which is love and poker... well it's true.

    anyway, awesome poem. I really liked this one

    I really like this stanza

    38 cards that mean nothing,
    The price of the game was high.
    With 38 I know I`ve lost
    My heart will slowly die

    very very cool I like how you incorperate the fact that you bet all you had for just one measly thing... that is truely what love is... so yeah good write, and I hope to read more from you later THNX

    - Nammy
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by Namlooc20 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice...From experience I know that the extended metaphor of love and cards is very difficult to accomplish. I tried and never finished. What you have done is completed a very unique concept in a very unique way. Nicely done...and so much of it is true...Dammit love!

    X
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a well written poem! I like how you added the deck of cards into this and him taking all but the hearts. Sounds cold and shallow and heartless! Love is definitely nothing for the weak to handle as it can be devestatingly crushing and hurtfull. Ya just gotta bounce back and stand tall and love again in time! good poem! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a well written poem! I like how you added the deck of cards into this and him taking all but the hearts. Sounds cold and shallow and heartless! Love is definitely nothing for the weak to handle as it can be devestatingly crushing and hurtfull. Ya just gotta bounce back and stand tall and love again in time! good poem! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a well written poem! I like how you added the deck of cards into this and him taking all but the hearts. Sounds cold and shallow and heartless! Love is definitely nothing for the weak to handle as it can be devestatingly crushing and hurtfull. Ya just gotta bounce back and stand tall and love again in time! good poem! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it. Very unique in the heartless deck part. Nice thought. Very deep and thought provoking to me at least. The second stanza was the coolest I thought. Have a good one and keep dealin'.
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent and beautiful. I really like that you paid so close attention to meter and rhyme and it really pays off. A very clever concept too by the way, to use a deck of cards in that fashion. Well done and thanks.
    Bill
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by rankamateur | [ Reply to This ]


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