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    dots Submission Name: Clichedots

    Author: musclebound350
    ASL Info:    26/male
    Elite Ratio:    4.87 - 197/202/70
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 901
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 809

       Tell me what you think.

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    For once you love
    and your soul is taken
    your heart ripped out
    broke and beaten

    the pain and sorrow
    the agony of defeat
    you did your best
    you begin to no longer eat

    your skin grabs at your bones
    as a glove forced to fit
    you grow tired and weary
    your bones show at the hip

    your eyes begin to wrinkle
    but you are not old of age
    you use pills to alleviate the pain
    and to fight away the rage

    you desecrate the lord
    these emotions you cant contain
    he ruined your life
    with no willing to explain

    a cliché you may think
    but isn't it all the same
    for a love for one so strong
    the words are all the same

    Submitted on 2005-08-08 22:46:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      yeah i like this one a lot and i agree with Imz a lot on this would, you try so hard to just get out what you are feeling and then someone comes along and takes a sh!t on it by calling it a cliché, every time someone does that to me i just tell that that it was ment to be that way.

    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]
      Very descriptive work and good use of emotion. I especially like the line "Your skin grabs at your bones" - what a visualization in the mind! It reminds me of the new song by Cold Play, called Fix You. The lines "And lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones..." gives me goosebumps... Excellent write in my opinion
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by Inducted_Kitty | [ Reply to This ]
      HA! Very nicely stated this is! I agree with this! It sucks when you hurt and pour your honest emotions into a writing and someone tells you it is cliché! What you have said here is so true! What you feel is what you feel and lots of the time it is the same as what others feel. That should not take away from the fact that you feel these feelings and express them into writings. Reading this gave me a smile even though it is sad and results from painful writings being unfairly judged, I like how you direct this towards those who leave those types of comments and they could open their eyes a bit and see reality! Great job with this! Take care!

    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

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