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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Suicidedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Shadows Life
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 127/127/27
    Words: 65
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 920
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 507



    Description:
       when ur kinda low and feeling that u dont have the answers anymore u run short options till despair claims u as its own....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSuicidedots
    -------------------------------------------


    hope is lost
    tears now fall
    remembering the sunshine
    remembering his fall
    watch the madness
    keep him sane
    love is lost
    in anger's pain
    silenced prayers
    break the skin
    blood now flows
    from veins within
    darkness comes
    to claim his light
    vision fades
    to endless night
    final breaths
    slowly cease
    embrace the void
    rest in peace...








    Submitted on 2005-08-09 08:01:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      This was pretty good, your wording was great and the topic was really easy for me to relate to. the only thing I might change would be the short, choppy lines, in some parts they add intensity but in others they take away the natural feeling to it. Do you or have you ever cut? (not that i'm hoping u do/have) cuz I think with how much talent this write showed, if you wrote on about cutting it would make a really great read...I do cut and it's always kewl to get other people's perspective of it.
    great write, I'll be reading more from you then,
    -jess
    | Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good piece. It really speaks about the depression in life and that comsumes some people.

    The only things that I would suggest is spliting it into stanzas...couplets come to mind. It might help the flow a bit.

    ~Kimbre
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      darkness comes
    to claim his light

    That has to be my favorite part right there. This is a topic that is written about so often, it's really sad. I liked the wording of everything, it did add something to this. There is always hope for tomorrow, however. There are other ways to handle the pain and misery of life. At any rate, this wasn't too bad of a write! Keep it up!
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      This is just an observation: I've read three suicide poems already today, and that kind of scares me. I just tire of reading stuff about suicide and cutting. It's kind of odd for me to say that because I've been in psychological/ psychiatric care for about 2/3 of my life. I even like morbid writing (I listen to Bright Eyes, Leonard Cohen, Elliot Smith, etc., and I've probably memorized everything Plath and Sexton ever wrote), but most of the suicide stuff here is pretty straightforward. Maybe I'd like it more if it were approached differently. I will say that I rarely think morbid or serious poems should rhyme; some people can pull that off, but it is a rare feat to do so. However, I did find writing this from the third person to be a bit of a departure because suicide poems are almost always first person.
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is intense and absolutely unique to all poems i have read before on the same topic. Each word has a lot of thought and meaning in it and the poem was really intense and meaningful.

    Love is lost in angers pain.
    How true that is.

    This is most definately a favourite.
    Laura-Grace
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, I have to agree with dark-red-pain, you put a lot of though into this and some lines really stood out for me:
    " watch the madness
    keep him sane"
    " silenced prayers
    break the skin"
    " darkness comes
    to claim his light"

    The rhyming you used worked quite well because of your well chosen word choice.
    Great writing style, don't stop.

    Lee:-)
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by Lee | [ Reply to This ]


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