Suicide by Shadows Life

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Submission Name: Suicide dots

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Author:	Shadows Life
Elite Ratio:	4.4 - 127/127/27
Words:	65

Class/Type:	Poetry/Death
Total Views:	292
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	507

Description:
when ur kinda low and feeling that u dont have the answers anymore u run short options till despair claims u as its own....

Suicide

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hope is lost
tears now fall
remembering the sunshine
remembering his fall
watch the madness
keep him sane
love is lost
in anger's pain
silenced prayers
break the skin
blood now flows
from veins within
darkness comes
to claim his light
vision fades
to endless night
final breaths
slowly cease
embrace the void
rest in peace...

Submitted on 2005-08-09 08:01:59 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This was pretty good, your wording was great and the topic was really easy for me to relate to. the only thing I might change would be the short, choppy lines, in some parts they add intensity but in others they take away the natural feeling to it. Do you or have you ever cut? (not that i'm hoping u do/have) cuz I think with how much talent this write showed, if you wrote on about cutting it would make a really great read...I do cut and it's always kewl to get other people's perspective of it.
great write, I'll be reading more from you then,
-jess
| Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a good piece. It really speaks about the depression in life and that comsumes some people.

The only things that I would suggest is spliting it into stanzas...couplets come to mind. It might help the flow a bit.

~Kimbre
| Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  darkness comes
to claim his light

That has to be my favorite part right there. This is a topic that is written about so often, it's really sad. I liked the wording of everything, it did add something to this. There is always hope for tomorrow, however. There are other ways to handle the pain and misery of life. At any rate, this wasn't too bad of a write! Keep it up!
Candi
| Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
  This is just an observation: I've read three suicide poems already today, and that kind of scares me. I just tire of reading stuff about suicide and cutting. It's kind of odd for me to say that because I've been in psychological/ psychiatric care for about 2/3 of my life. I even like morbid writing (I listen to Bright Eyes, Leonard Cohen, Elliot Smith, etc., and I've probably memorized everything Plath and Sexton ever wrote), but most of the suicide stuff here is pretty straightforward. Maybe I'd like it more if it were approached differently. I will say that I rarely think morbid or serious poems should rhyme; some people can pull that off, but it is a rare feat to do so. However, I did find writing this from the third person to be a bit of a departure because suicide poems are almost always first person.
| Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  This is intense and absolutely unique to all poems i have read before on the same topic. Each word has a lot of thought and meaning in it and the poem was really intense and meaningful.

Love is lost in angers pain.
How true that is.

This is most definately a favourite.
Laura-Grace
| Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey, I have to agree with dark-red-pain, you put a lot of though into this and some lines really stood out for me:
" watch the madness
keep him sane"
" silenced prayers
break the skin"
" darkness comes
to claim his light"

The rhyming you used worked quite well because of your well chosen word choice.
Great writing style, don't stop.

Lee:-)
| Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by Lee | [ Reply to This ]

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