A Sudden Death by Podenco del infierno

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Submission Name: A Sudden Death dots

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Author:	Podenco del infierno
ASL Info:	19/M/Ohio
Elite Ratio:	4.75 - 205/195/38
Words:	116

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	237
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	755

Description:
This is about how death can be unexpected...I just kind of came up with it randomly...I don't know if it is all that good...what do you think?

A Sudden Death dots

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I am not alone anymore.
I have found you.
My life,
Finally has some hope,
Now that you are here with me.
Hold my hand,
Embrace me forever.
Keep me afloat,
Don't let me drown again.
May we forever be together.

Even though I have found you,
Still, a pain is in my heart.
I don't know what it is...
But your touch grows softer.
Your embrace grows cold.
Confused, I look into your eyes,
And I realize...
Your hands slip from mine,
I try to hold tight,
But I can not win.
I drown again,
And forever mourn in darkness,
For death has found you,
And I pray that it shall find me next.

Submitted on 2005-08-09 08:47:09 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  aww i like it...its good. its surprising too. it starts out like a love poem but ends up a poem about death. its grrrrrreat!
| Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by crazygothchika | [ Reply to This ]
  this is very powerful... i really don't konw what to say... really well written, i really feel for you... makes me wish i never lose my girl...

"But I can not win.
I drown again,
And forever mourn in darkness,
For death has found you,
And I pray that it shall find me next."

this is the best part of the whole poem.
| Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by OrangeWithWhite | [ Reply to This ]
  The poem is simple, but that's not a letdown... after all poems don't have to be about big words or flowery metaphors. personally, I thought it started out a little too ...normally, I'd say, for lack of a better word. lol. but as it got on, it was good... and the ending, particularly, was the vital part of the poem... in fact I thought it was the best part of it. very powerful lines right there:

I drown again,
And forever mourn in darkness,
For death has found you,
And I pray that it shall find me next.

I like the fact that you used simple language, and yet maintained the strength of the poem, especially in that last segment. this is a good write... keep up the good work!
| Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by zhi wei | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really good! A great expression of feelings in this write. First, the joy and happiness of love and the security of companionship then uncertainty and confusion yet still loving and secure but then all of a sudden, desperation and anxiety becoming overwhelming and sadness so deep to become consumed in depression once again. Just a great emotional ride with this one! Very well written indeed! Death really is random and unexpected and can destroy lives and happiness in the blink of an eye! You have definitely captured this well! Nice write Nathan! Take care!

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  You describe the 'roller-coaster' ride of love in the most descriptive way imaginable. Every time we think we have found it, the ever-elusive emotion we call 'love' leaves us as quickly as it came. There are so many people who can relate to this and appreciate your words. I really like this poem and the only thing I have to comment on is a minor detail - please check 'Confused, I look into your eyes' and I'm sure you will see the space there... no biggie. luv cher
| Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by Inducted_Kitty | [ Reply to This ]
  This is an excellent write and although not completely original it is very creative...you did a great job on the wording and although the wording is completely different and there's no rhyme this poem for some reason reminds me of Edgar Allen Poe's Annabell Lee (who knows why)...anyway my favorite line is "May we forever be together" keep up the great work
| Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]
  you know... this overwhelmed me so much i am close to lost for words...

the first stanza is one filled with hope... with the giddyness of new found love and the desire to stay that way forever... i acutally thought at first it was death you were talking to... isnt it crazy how when one knows what a write gonna be about they kinda read things expecting something thats not there...
i am kinda concerned though that this love sounds kinda needy... embrace me, love me, hold me... but thats a side issue...

then theres the second stanza...
the growing apart seems gradual and then suddenly and i guess thats the effect you are looking for...
i honestly think it true that when death finds a love one the desire for it to find you next is very real... my boyfriend ended his own life a year and a bit ago and i was devastated... well and truely...

and while i realise this wasnt based on any actual even from your life (and of which i am REALLY glad) i must say that this write evoked pain within me... i guess being able to identify with that which this write outlines... eeeek...
| Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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