Jump already! Naw, just kidding-i had to say that I like how in the 1st 2 verses you repeated word/phrase-that built tension. But you got away from that. Also, this person was true to their nature by NOT taking action & jumping-falling instead. Keep up the writing! cleo
to much suicide for me.. i in my own opinion believe that its weak.. especially over a girl.. they come dime a dozen.. but i do understand the heartbreak the guy feels.. when you have lost that someone.. in their minds people run through this same scenario time and time again... and you just expressed it.. good job
Yeepers, that was brilliant! It definately reminds me of those moments when you really wish to die but you realize how many people around you love you and you would never be able to explain it to them as to why you did it. Then of course you sit and think to yourself, if they're my friends, they'd be calling me or coming over at this very moment, but you realize you're all alone in your room. I hate that because you only are trying to make excuses as to why you should get rid of youself...anywho, i'm babbling so I should just say this is a great poem and I'm soooo adding it to my favs. Take care, ~steph
I know how this feels kinda. every night when i close my eyes i see his face. hes just so pure and gorgeous that i can barely stand it. I cant stand the thought of not being able to hold him at night and not being able to be near him. I know this sucks but it happens to almost everyone. Great Job Loved It!
Regaurdless of weather this was true to you or not, i could definately relate to this. I must admit, that i have had these thoughts many times...I could definately feel the fear that the character had in this. I especially like the last stanza...I don't know why i do...it just sounds so...real, i guess. You might want to put in some punctuation, it is not a big deal, but it does make a difference as to how it sounds when read. It is kind of sad, that it takes one person to unintentionaly end a life like this...but it happens, and you brought that feeling to words. Great work.