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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Innocence Lostdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 185
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 619
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1099



    Description:
       I just seem to be dwelling on the loss of all my innocence lately


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInnocence Lostdots
    -------------------------------------------


    When I gave you my body,
    I lost all I was before.
    When I gave you my heart,
    You kept it as you walked out the door.
    That night the pain was too intense.
    I tried to drown it with alcohol.
    And when I took that first pill,
    I knew there was nothing left of me at all.
    I still saw you every day.
    I put on my happy face.
    You kept giving me these looks,
    From another time, and a different place.
    You walked through my door again.
    I knew what you were there for.
    I had slept with someone else.
    Now you wanted to make me your whore.
    And we've done this again and again,
    And I'm still in love with you
    But I lost everything I ever wanted
    And now I do these things that I do.
    When I fucked you again,
    When the liquor made me ill,
    When I lied and I cheated,
    When I stole all those pills,
    When I swore that I'd have what I wanted,
    No matter the cost,
    That's when I became this shadow,
    My innocence lost.




    Submitted on 2005-08-09 10:17:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      how sad! but u shoudnt feel guilty about wat u did! u should just accept it and try to live with ur decision! but feeling guilty wont really take u out of ur situation! good joB!
    ~akaila evonne~
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... men suck lol just kidding.. kinda been there too but neve the alcohol or pills.. yeah all in my head I was sane but really not... huummm sounds like the start of a new poem lol.. but wow this was very intense and just kind of blew me away cause seriously I can relate... very well done

    Pennymarie
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by pennymarie | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I can't say that I can relate, but I do think this is a very strong piece and the message is clear. I'm sorry about the whole ordeal, and hopefully you're okay now. I'm still an innocent, but I can imagine that this must've been horrible. Don't feel guilty cause things happen, and we make it through. Somehow.
    As for technicallities, the rhyming was well and so was the flow. However I did have to stop and re-read at "I knew there was nothing left of me at all". Maybe if that line was shortened a bit...then I wouldn't have stopped. Otherwise this piece is well done.
    *Melissa
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by frozenconscienc | [ Reply to This ]
      Accept who you are, learn to love yourself and do what you feel is correct if these scenes in your life upset you do not follow this path again. I've done alot of stupid things and i could give you their names but i figure it makes me the man i am today. And even though most of them used me because i tend to care to quickly it just teaches me what to look out for. It's sad that something that should be beautiful now-a-days because there are no true emotions involved turns only to a loss of the soul

    Semper Fidelis,
    Christopher
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]
      very good great write and enjoyable read
    when reading i like to ty a put myself in the story as well as the writer
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW, this was a very deep and powerful write.
    You lead me from one line to the next, feeling all the emotions that were put into this write. I liked how it flowed, even though some of the rhyming was a bit off. It still held my interest. And frankly, that makes for a write well done.

    illusions
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by illusions35904 | [ Reply to This ]
      wonderful wonderful poem...I could really tell how you were feeling when you wrote it...
    It was all sad...
    But a really good write...
    Very good job my friend...

    Raivn With The J

    ;)

    ...jessie...
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]


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