War Zone Under Construction by charmedidentity

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Submission Name: War Zone Under Construction dots

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Author:	charmedidentity
ASL Info:	23/F/Canada
Elite Ratio:	6.9 - 864/897/406
Words:	191

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	737
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1282

Description:
I am not really sure how it came out. To me, It sounds good and the idea is there. You tell me what you think. I wrote a lot lately if you look at my profile on society, don't really know why. It's been on my mind for a while. Just give me an opinion of what you think about it.
Thanks....Irina

War Zone Under Construction dots

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Soon, this peaceful field will be destroyed,
Every tree shall feel autumn approaching near.
Then the soldiers will create the coldest winter,
And blood shall be dripped all over the ground.
In the meanwhile, men will speak their policy,
Each nation will fall in a state of animosity.
And they all once more will fall in disunity,
The work of peace shall be entirely destroyed.

Soon, everything that we struggled to build,
Shall shatter into unknown pieces of misery.
Then the bravest warriors buried six feet under,
Shall remain nameless below these fields.
In the meanwhile, men will declare the war,
Believing that they will attain something far.
Remains of society once more will start over,
The work of peace shall have to be rebuilt.

Soon, pure hearted souls will be wounded,
Not by the bullets, not even by the swords.
The strongest of fighters will be haunted,
Dying strangers’ memories in front of them.
In the meanwhile, men will love their families,
Yet fail to protect them from the worst of pain.
Society will never learn from past mistakes,
The work of peace shall forever be wounded.

Submitted on 2005-08-09 10:24:06 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I link this one a lot also, not quite as much as Soldier of Ignorance, but it is still great. I wrote one called Son Of Man once, and it is pretty much an outcry from my soul to the world for some kind of help, anyways there is a lot in it that sounds a little like this, though not as well written probably, because it was like I said a pouring out of emotions. I like how you begin each stanza with soon and in the middle you use In the meanwhile. I think this really adds something to the poem.
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by SonAsylum | [ Reply to This ]
  I said this before and I stand by it. You have a passion for understanding this and tend to look foreward and voice what you think will be.
I am sure that you are not alone in your feelings about war. The end justifies the means and creates a finality to it all. If we do not change the leadership that is in place now then we will have nothing worth living for later, maybe not.
The past leaders have set the standards for others to follow.
JFK said this (Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country).
This tells me that I will only do for you if you do for me. Not my kind of leader but none the less still we voted for him.
Keep with the passion

Wisdom Seeker
| Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a good write! I enjoyed reading this about war and the tragedies that it brings. It is very sad. Unfortunately war seems to always be inevitable and unavoidable. So many lose their lives. The third stanza here has left me somewhat confused as you say the pure hearted souls will be wounded and you mention the things that they wont be wounded by but you dont talk about what will wound them. The last stanza leaves me confused. You say men will fail to protect their families from the worst pain but no mention as to what it is...war?? I dunno. I thought this was good up to the last part and then I got lost. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  until we learn to recognize our mistakes we will be doomed to repeat such things. another well written piece of society. lately ive been finding a lot of pieces dealing with war. perhaps everybody is getting tired of the one going on right now. and i guess bush is too much in his addiction with war to notice what its doing to the people. how are we suppose to fight for a war in which over half doesnt believe the reasoning behind it. anyways this is good. keep up the writing.

later days
tracey
| Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]
  Reminds me of "WAR-WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!" I really enjoyed ur poem, it is so true that we never learn a thing from past mistakes or poor judgments, and the line that caught my eye the most, and made me almost cry was this - "In the meanwhile, men will love their families, Yet fail to protect them from the worst of pain." That, to me, is saying the worst of pain is not their own deaths, but the death of the man who is fighting the war, be it their father, son or brother - it is far more painful to lose a loved one than to lose yourself.
luv cher
| Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by Inducted_Kitty | [ Reply to This ]
  Structure wise, I like this piece. Normally I dred reading something like this because it really cant hold my attention span, but I really did enjoy reading this.

Being completely non-biased and reading this from the point of view I believe you to have, this was a wonderful piece. Peace will always be a wounded cause, and you cleverly and clearly stated that. You've also written the entire concept of this piece out very ingeniusly. Your word choice was perfect, and it made this an enjoyable read:OP

Now, just to put my two cents in, I dont really agree with this piece. War is inevtiable because we dont live in perfect. We can reminisce over it, and try to change something that cant be changed, or we could move on and try to find a BETTER way. Sometimes new things in general are much better then trying to change on thing.

But, just my two cents.

Nice title, btw.

-Kayla
| Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

69907

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.