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Their So Called Freedom

Author: Aj
ASL Info:    21/M/MI
Elite Ratio:    3.25 - 102 /110 /29
Words: 108
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1219
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 744


repost. need more comments.

Their So Called Freedom

if you dare to care you'll get the chair.
they'll hang you for your thoughts.
make sure you fight, defend your rights.
never forget what freedom cost

you dare to speak ? you dare to seek.
the truth to all their lies.
they'll cut you down and flush you out.
you'll pay with your own life.

you'll pay with tears, they'll show you fear.
beyond an american dream.
don't give in, fight on my friend.
never forfit your beliefs.

under their thumb, they'll feed you crumbs
though they promised you the pie
political wars held behind closed doors
is this why our fathers died?

Submitted on 2004-04-13 23:50:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Poetry about America isn't a bad thing, as long as it isn't some polyana "America is beautiful, god bless the USA' crap. Political dissent in writing has a long history; and that's what I see here, not a patriotic poem as others have said. In that and the rhyme you have a good piece going. However, I don't see why you didn't go ahead and have the 2nd and 4th line in each stanza rhyme, and a couple of your word choices for those lines seem to throw off the rolling rhythm. With a little tuning, easily fixed.
| Posted on 2004-04-14 00:00:00 | by DevilDinosaur | [ Reply to This ]

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