a lot of descriptive words for something that is so simple.. to me i think that is good and bad.. because you show you have an expanded vocabulary but you also are taking away from the true meaning of the poem by writing with a little flamboyance.. but being flashy never hurts.. just makes you miss the great spot on the list.. but either way i enjoyed the comparison of love and marriage to a tsunami very original
This was one of the most intriguing pieces I've seen posted in some time. Extremely articulate, tightly composed, but slightly distant in the last two stanzas. The imagery is perfect, but I have to agree with the previous post, a little simplicity at the end might have had an even more potent impact.
This was quite an interesting poem. I loved the imagery, but not sure I got it. The beginning seems clear enough. A marriage, perhaps the individuals become isolated. "Mecurial stillness" in an interesting contradiction; lots of frentic movement yet no real movement at all, leading to stagnation. A dying relationship. Then an event occurs that shakes everything up. challenges complacency. A great wall of water (one's water breaking?) akin to menstruation - out with the old! Make room for the new.This all sounds like the birth of a child revitalizing a marriage. Giving it a purpose, a direction and a new chance to share. But it's not that clear! Afterall if there's been a menstruation then no pregnancy and no birth. So I was a bit confused. Look how much I have wriiten about it! that's got to say something about the depth of the metaphors and imagery!
I dropped in to thank you for your kind words on "Forest Love" and found the new posting. How much of a co-incidence that you describe a similar scene as mine, only in a metaphoric way, and with a totally different meaning...
I didn't find it too descriptive, I think I understood every picture you were symbolising, and I agreed with you totally.
This piece is black, and very well camouflaged with your choice of complicated word pictures. It needs to be read slowly...and with foreboding.