[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Tsunami Baptismdots

    Author: CleoCollier
    ASL Info:    40/F/South
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 83/84/26
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1090
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 696

       Here is my mate to BenColliers ' "Released" poem. This describes my 1st marriage & what happened next that changed everything. Been dying to use the word "defenestration" 8^)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTsunami Baptismdots

    The mecurial stillness of married life
    A woodland pond sheltered by evergreens
    Naivete of matrimonial bliss
    False Serenity harbors trouble amiss

    Stagnant pools hold poison water
    Unrippled by frollicking breezes
    Tainted by turpentine essence
    Shadowed from solar blessings

    Tectonic shift unfurls the earth
    Sends sentinels crashing with piney thuds
    And miasmas whining in wet rills
    Rushing towards fresher, laughing hills

    From a barren vessel a vast menstruation
    Spring cleaning, a holy defenestration
    A tsunami baptism begets rebirth
    Shimmering, wet serendipitous mirth

    Submitted on 2005-08-09 10:38:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      a lot of descriptive words for something that is so simple.. to me i think that is good and bad.. because you show you have an expanded vocabulary but you also are taking away from the true meaning of the poem by writing with a little flamboyance.. but being flashy never hurts.. just makes you miss the great spot on the list.. but either way i enjoyed the comparison of love and marriage to a tsunami very original
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by solemnpen | [ Reply to This ]
      This was one of the most intriguing pieces I've seen posted in some time. Extremely articulate, tightly composed, but slightly distant in the last two stanzas. The imagery is perfect, but I have to agree with the previous post, a little simplicity at the end might have had an even more potent impact.
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      This was quite an interesting poem. I loved the imagery, but not sure I got it. The beginning seems clear enough. A marriage, perhaps the individuals become isolated. "Mecurial stillness" in an interesting contradiction; lots of frentic movement yet no real movement at all, leading to stagnation. A dying relationship. Then an event occurs that shakes everything up. challenges complacency. A great wall of water (one's water breaking?) akin to menstruation - out with the old! Make room for the new.This all sounds like the birth of a child revitalizing a marriage. Giving it a purpose, a direction and a new chance to share.
    But it's not that clear! Afterall if there's been a menstruation then no pregnancy and no birth. So I was a bit confused. Look how much I have wriiten about it! that's got to say something about the depth of the metaphors and imagery!

    Nice write!

    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi there Fel, this is a bit of a change from you.

    I dropped in to thank you for your kind words on "Forest Love" and found the new posting. How much of a co-incidence that you describe a similar scene as mine, only in a metaphoric way, and with a totally different meaning...

    I didn't find it too descriptive, I think I understood every picture you were symbolising, and I agreed with you totally.

    This piece is black, and very well camouflaged with your choice of complicated word pictures. It needs to be read slowly...and with foreboding.

    Quite excellent, my dear, excellent!

    Be Happy

    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]